RE Visit

I can't wait to sit down and write a real update about my visit to the RE today. It was wonderful, and the office was right out of a dream. I'll share more tomorrow. As for now, I'm exhausted and going to bed.

Update..of sorts

Saturday was the day I would have walked for graduation. I chose not to walk, but I did technically "graduate." My MA is in Curriculum K-12. Instead of walking, we went to the Tiger's game. Too bad the other teachers that went were more than obnoxious and we could not even enjoy the game. We left early.
Monday I was approved for tenure by the school board.
Tuesday(Today) I find out about a 10,000 grant opportunity for the next 3 years to link my school to an urban school and my university. Awesome. Read and replied to about 38 emails with fellow grant writers.
Wednesday (Tomorrow) is my first ever RE appointment. I am very excited. I hope she lives up to my expectations of her in my brain. I'm working a half day of school tomorrow, but still have to find a couple of hours to meet with CPS and other government agencies to discuss removing a child from their home. I've never had to do one of these meetings before, so I hope it goes well.
Needless to say, it's been a crazy few days and there are just more crazy days to follow.
(CD31)

E-mail

I created an e-mail account for our TTC needs.
pairofmoms (at) g.mail (dot) com

Of course, take the extraneous characters away.

Medicine and a Movie

I started my Me.tformin yesterday. I am such a baby when it comes to swallowing pills. I just can't. When I went to urgent care for my scarlet fever a few years ago, the doc gave me a huge antibiotic pill. I knew I couldn't swallow it (Heck, I even chewed my Klo.nopin when I was little, and those were teeny tiny pills), but desperation set in. I was feeling horrible, and I knew the giant white pill would help, so I did it. And because I got so nervous about choking, I squeezed the Styrofoam cup and spilled water all over the floor, but not before hitting myself in the head and squeezing my eyes shut. It was definitely a sight to see, and if I would have had the energy, I would have given B the look of disdain over her laughing. Anyway, the Met.formin are not huge pills, but big for me. But I did it ladies. I swallowed the 500mg little disc. 3 times so far. And I think I can do it again, and again. Whatever it takes to create a nice little environment for a baby to grow.

My pill swallowing phobia was portrayed quite well in Tina Fey's new movie, Baby Mama, which B and I saw this evening. Quite fun, funny, and predictable, just how I like my movies. I'd recommend it to a friend, especially one going through the whole TTC process.

Day One (not THAT day one)

My calories were a bit high today, but at least the carbs were under control. I don't normally have PIZZA for two meals, but that's the way it worked out for me today. I considered it a "last meal." I am confident that tomorrow will be better.

In TTC news, CD25, no positive OPK yet...just faint lines...

Diagnosis

So, the NP was finally able to get a hold of me after playing phone tag for the past 2 days. My hormone levels looked "alright," but my testosterone was a little high and the difference between the FSH and the LH is leading her to believe I have PCOS. (Well that along with all my other symptoms). So she is giving me a script for Metf.ormin/Gluco.phage and will be sending me my lab results to take to my RE appointment next Wednesday.

I have known for over a year that I have PC.OS. I even asked the Dr. about it last year, but she said no. I am a pretty good diagnostician for myself, most times. (Which reminds me of the time I had Scarlet Fever. I told B I had Scarlet Fever and she laughed at me and called me Beth from Little Women. After the rash started to engulf my face, and a trip to the urgent care, we found out I indeed, had Scarlet Fever.) So it is no real surprise for me, just a nod in my direction about my own diagnosis.

As for school, my kids were actually pretty good today, I am happy to report. I find it so funny that I can take them to the library every two weeks and "there is nothing to read," yet when I bring in 5-7 books from my hometown library, its the best thing since sliced bread. And it's not like they were high interest books: Finance, Drugs/Alcohol, Courage, Peace, Earth Day.

Happy Earth Day everyone!

CD22

Well that inkling I had about CD21...not so much. I spent most of CD21 at our local historic village with my sister. It was fun times, a lot of walking, and well, historical. Luckily, it was educator appreciation weekend, so everything was free. We even saw Sea Monsters 3D at the IMAX theatre. After the village and museum, we went back to my mom's house to work on favors for her wedding (it's approaching very quickly!). Then, hit up a closeout store for a few things. While there, they were having a closeout on a major drug store shipment. Everything was 70% off the ticketed price. Now my sister does not know that we are even TTC, but I couldn't pass up the Clear Blue Easy Digital 3 pack of tests marked $19.99 (ended up costing $6.00). I had to covertly place them in the cart. I had her checkout first and then sent her to get the car, not before she sent me off to the beauty aisle to price check her sun tan lotion and proceeded to unload my stuff onto the counter. Luckily, she didn't get too far,but boy was my heart racing. I was trying to think of what I would have said, but I think I would have probably just told her the truth. At least I didn't have to!
I haven't been able to temp the last few days because I have been up coughing and not sleeping. Last night I didn't get into bed until 4:30am. I was chillin' in my recliner downstairs, kind of half sleeping, so I wouldn't disturb B with my coughing and constant readjusting. Today we went to B's mom's house to help out with some chores and go out to eat. My OPKs have been very light, but the CM has been extra fertile-y today. Perhaps tomorrow? Time will tell.

Whoops!

Those of you who left comments between last night and this morning:

They were absent-mindedly rejected because I am a dufus and hit the wrong button. Feel free to re-comment if you like! SORRY!! =D

-B

What the Heck?

Last night was a little horrendous for sleep and not feeling well. The sinus draining kept waking me up, giving me the sense that I was going to get sick. Plus, it was our first nice night where we could sleep with the windows open. Needless to say, I woke up with a temp of 98.0. When I logged said temp, I got this:

Never in my charting career have I ever ovulated before CD21. I didn't start OPKing until CD11. What do you think? Did I miss ovulation or is FF just confused because of my odd temp? I just tried a little experiment and typed in a more "regular" temp and the crosshairs were gone.

I think I am going to continue to PIAC everyday. I hope I can get a positive OPK today because I have had good feelings about CD21 for the past week or so.

Sense of Hope and Relief

I feel very much at ease now that we have Dr. K involved. I am not even stressing over KD moving away. I am confident that if we are meant to be mothers, it will happen. Please remind me of this if I happen to get discouraged in the future.

The weather has been pretty awesome the last few days. I am so excited for Spring time. The warmer weather always helps me to realize I need to crack down on my weight/health as well. Last summer I used Spark and met some amazing and supportive women there. Too bad I have gained back all of the weight I lost. Now it's time for round 2 (which is actually round 25790275 or something like that). I need to do it for myself and for our future little one(s). I'm not so much worried about how I look (although that is a consideration), but more of how I feel and my health. I was saddened when I went to my appointment on Tuesday and my weight was up 17 pounds...eek! Happiness and stress have the same effect on me!

I don't know if I mentioned this, but we had our dog trainer out last week. She reevaluated our Gracie and determined that she is not an aggressive dog. She reminded us of how to correct our dogs when they are misbehaving. It has been working wonderfully.

My brain is jumping from topic to topic today...I am either sick or dealing with some crazy allergies. It started with a sore throat for a few days. Then I was coughing and sneezing yesterday. I started to lose my voice by the afternoon (not an ideal situation for a teacher) and my nose was a running fool last night. This morning the draining happening in the back of my throat is not so fun. So yeah. And I refuse to take anything, even things that are "safe."

So Happy Thursday to y'all! A week from today is Take Your Child to Work Day.

Appointment

The appointment yesterday went well. The NP took vials and vials of blood to do a full hormone panel and check my glucose level. Those test results should be in by next week. She also referred me to my very own RE. My appointment with her (I guess I will refer to her as Dr. K) is on Wednesday, 4/30. Dr. K and our insurance agent share a not-so-common last name. And their first names are very similar (Carole and Cheryl). Weird, eh?
B is sad that she has to miss our first appointment, but she has a major event happening at her store, and I picked the earliest available appointment that fit in my schedule. I assured her she will be there for the next one.
The NP was very impressed with all of the data I brought to the appointment. She asked me "who are you working with?" I was confused. "What do you mean?" "Which doctor is helping you?" "Oh, no one. We are doing it all on our own with KD sperm." "WHAT? You mean, you just researched how to do all of this on your own?" "Uh, yeah."
And I'm thinking in my head, "doesn't everybody?" Maybe it's a lesbian thing...who knows!?
So today is CD18. The OPKs have starting showing some faint lines, but we all know that it doesn't mean anything with my body. I've been feeling very ovulatory lately, but I can't trust my instincts. I just do what the line tells me and so far its nothing. So we wait. Again. And hope that the double line comes before Mr. KD moves away.

Questions we should ask...

Tomorrow is our appointment with the nurse practitioner to discuss some reasons why we are not getting pregnant and some possible interventions we should try. I will have all of my information from my charts (I've been charting since 8/06, and TTC since 11/07).
I had a full hormone check in July of 2007, and surgery to remove a complex right ovarian cyst in August of 2007. Hormone levels were fine (Prolactin had to be run twice because the first time it was too high, but the doc said it could have been where I was in my cycle. The second time it was in the normal range.) After the cyst removal (and D&C), she said that I had a better chance of getting pregnant in the next 3 months. Clearly, that did not happen.
So, besides the typical questions, any other ideas on what we should ask?

Also, this cycle will probably be the last one with our KD, since he is moving to Boston. We can't really imagine any one else in our lives as a Potential KD, so we may have to start looking at some profiles at our local bank. I guess the positive spin on this is that it is happening at a time when I will be off school. I have 40-some days left.

Randomness for Friday

I am so glad it is Friday. The week after being off a week is always the toughest. For the most part, the kids have been well behaved, but I have a clique of 5 that seem to give me the most trouble. Hopefully the notes home yesterday will help with today's behavior.

The weather has been a little wacky this week. We started off warm (mid 60's) and yesterday in was in the 40's for most of the day and rainy. Today it will be in the 70's. I am excited about that! Spring does wonders for everyone's emotional states. However, the changing weather also means that allergies are here. The sinus headaches this week have been less than desirable. I am also getting a sore throat. Boo.

We had the dog trainer over on Wednesday. We are feeling much more confident with our dogs and day one with our new confidence has led to well behaved and respectable dogs. Now we just need to keep it going.

Tomorrow I have another baby shower (last weekend was my dear friend's and tomorrow is a co-worker friend). There was a cute (drooly) baby in my dream last night. He was the brother of one of my students and I was just handed him to hold during a conference, and then my BBT alarm went off. I remember his beautiful blue eyes.

I guess that is all for now, I am rambling and I should hop in the shower to start my day. Not counting today, I have 3 days until my NP appointment! =)

Quick Update

CD12, I started PIAC yesterday, even though it is way early.
Better to be safe than sorry.
Oddly enough, I have had some watery CM..so who knows.

I am so excited for the girls over at Chronicle of Conception! It's definitely time for a strain of BFPs around these parts!

CD9

So it's back to fifth grade today. Spring Break is over and I am a little sad about that. I love being home. Also, waking up at 6:30 is so much more bearable than waking up at 4:30.

I never touched the CBEFM when this new cycle started, and when I tried to persuade it to move to CD9, there was no having it, so it looks like I won't be using the monitor this cycle. No biggie though, since it hasn't really helped me much.

I am excited to talk to the nurse practitioner about possible medications to help with my ovulation. That appointment is a week from tomorrow. (CD17) I doubt there will be anything she can do to help with this particular cycle, but perhaps the following one. And maybe, just maybe, we can squeeze in another insem before KD moves. And if not, we need to reevaluate our plan.

CD5, Dentist, and a Meme

After being a hellish start to this week, it has calmed down here at the Mc-S household. I called the Dr.'s office yesterday and set myself up with an appointment to talk about fertility meds with the Nurse Practitioner.

I also scheduled an eye appointment and when I called to schedule a dentist appointment(with a new dentist from the gay yellow pages), they had a cancellation and were able to see me yesterday. I hadn't been to the dentist in 10 years. Needless to say, the cleaning was long and painful, but thorough. The dentist was surprised I hadn't been seen in so long because the condition of my teeth was great. I didn't tell him this, but the last time I was at the dentist, 10 years ago (and that was for the first time ever), they found 4 cavities. I had 2 of them filled. Yesterday, he "discovered" 2 cavities that should probably be filled, but he wasn't very concerned about them, and one cavity in between some front teeth. I think he would have been more impressed if he knew those have been around for a while. I go back in a few weeks to have the in between one taken care of, and if finances allow, I will have the others done after that. If feels so nice to have clean teeth.

Being on Spring Break this week has been such a blessing. I love being home. Love it. I started reading Nineteen Minutes yesterday and I am almost half way through. A wonderful book so far about a tragic school shooting. I love how Jodi Picoult develops her characters and I was happy to recognize a few from some of her other books.

Today the plan is to get some cleaning done and perhaps ask KD if he would like to come over for dinner. I have no idea what I will make, but I am sure I can figure something out.

And now...a meme to make me feel good. =)

The envy meme!

We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious. Not in a bad way, but in a "Wow! I wish I had that person's hair, eyes, talents, money, skills, relationship, inner beauty, whatever."

So tell me what about me makes you envy me, then post this on your blog/journal and see what makes me envious of you!

Oh, and I forgot to mention that we are going to a FREE Melissa Ferrick concert on Saturday. If anyone lives near Ann Arbor, MI and wants to go, leave me a comment and I can email you the details. Completely free to the public!

An Update on Gracie

We decided today that we will not put her to sleep. While we don't want to make any excuses for what happened yesterday, and we are definitely taking the situation seriously, we cannot in good conscience put her down. We've contacted our trainers (Bark.busters) and along with guidance from our vet will decide what the next step will be. If someone is willing and able to take her we will give her away, but if nobody steps up we will continue to work with her ourselves. If it happens again, no matter what the scenario or circumstance, she will have to go.

Neither J or myself feel we are compromising ourselves or feeling like we are backing down from our original plan. Biting is a deal breaker, but Gracie did not attack J. Gracie was being food aggressive towards Jake and J got between them. It was an intense situation and Gracie reacted the only way she knew how. Within the next few days we will have the trainer come out to evaluate her, but both they and the vet strongly believe that Gracie is NOT human aggressive, and can be rehabilitated and trained. Several other rescue organizations I have contacted have also said the same thing.

I feel like a 100-lb brick has been lifted off of us, but we are still drained from it all. After our BFN sobfest on Sunday night and all the crying we both did yesterday and this morning, we are both completely exhausted (and bloodshot). I am so grateful for all of the warmth and love you each have sent in our direction over the past several days/weeks/months. This is truly an amazing community and we both appreciate all of your kind words.

Loss

What a time of loss for us right now.

We lost the hope for a baby in 2008.
We may only have one more try with KD, and that is if we are lucky. He moves in May.
Our dear Gracie girl will be leaving us one way or another. Either to a new family or to heaven.
I can't stop crying.
I am losing so much blood/tissue it is unreal.
I am reminded of all of this every time I go to the bathroom.

I am so sad, and I can't do anything to make either of us feel better.

I was supposed to call the doc this week to talk about fertility meds. I can't even get through a conversation on the phone without breaking down.

It's so hard. And most people think we are just sad about Gracie, since they have no idea we are even trying to get pregnant.