Too soon

I know it's too soon for any kind of symptoms to be pregnancy related, but just yesterday I experienced:
~ extreme fatigue-the kind where you needtosleeprightnow!
~ extra hunger
~ tender bbs-parts of which felt like they were on fire
I woke up without the tender bbs, so I'm thinking it was just a fluke.
I enjoy the fact that my DPO coincides with the date. Today is August 6th, so I am 6DPO. Very easy to remember.
B also comes home today! At midnight-ish. I will take a nap so I can be awake to drive to the airport!

Something I just figured out by looking at my past cycles with NKD. We have only had 6 perfectly timed cycles (including this one). 2 of them ended up in positive pregnancy tests. One was a chemical pregnancy and one was our Sprout. 3 ended with BFN. Odds are pretty good. Since "the score" is 3 negative to 2 positive, I think it's about time to even it up!

5DPO

Well Lookey Here...

We have crosshairs! (And solid ones at that!)
It looks like we had some perfectly timed insems (minus the first one that was a little premature). I am feeling very good about this cycle. Bring on the BFP!
Today B leaves for VA for a few days to visit her BFF before she deploys to Afghanistan. Please pray for safe travels for B and a safe tour of duty for Sarah. She is one of the sweetest and most gentle people I know and to think of her in a war zone is heart-wrenching. I am so glad B will be able to spend some time with her before she leaves.
B returns very late on Friday night, so I hope her being gone keeps me distracted from this TWW. I think I am going to stop temping after tomorrow. We will see if I can hold out.

Change

FF changed my O date to CD27...which means no chance of pregnancy this cycle (I was already on the prov.era at that point and no where near sperm). It also puts me at 11DPO. I stopped the prov.era on July 8th, and thought I would be bleeding by now. Ugh.
Can't catch a break here. The medicated/monitored cycle is next, so that will work. Right?
I keep thinking that I'm not getting pregnant because my mind is not right. I don't get excited when people tell me about an impending baby (except tbean, of course!). I usually get quite bitter. Do I need to get over this before God will allow me to have a real live living baby? I know that God is not a puppet-master deciding who gets what, but it just feels like that sometime.
I think I must be pms-ing or something. My mood has not been good the past few days.

98.9

I was freezing through-out the night (no reason really, it was still warm) and woke up covered in sweat. My temp was 98.9. Uh..that's HOT. My bbs have been terribly sore for about 5 days, but every hpt is negative. I'm thinking it's just the pro.vera causing these symptoms. I've also been extra hungry.

I took the pro.vera for 10 days and the nurse said I should start bleeding anywhere up to 10 days afterwards. It's been 5 days since my last pill.


FF finally agreed on 3 of it's methods that I am 18DPO. The only method that doesn't agree is fertility monitor, which things I am 19DPO. I'm still not convinced any of them are right. I am including my chart for your viewing pleasure. My VIP membership expired 3 days ago, and I haven't renewed, in hopes of not having to.

No news.

FF is confused about my chart. Either I'm triphasic (at 13 or 14 DPO) or 4DPO. Research and Fertility/Monitor settings give me the later DPOs, but Advanced and Fertility Awareness give me the other. Either way, tomorrow is my last day on the pro.vera.
I had good news when I went to the drug store to renew my Fol.gard. It's now covered under my insurance. Woot. I'm wondering now if my prenatal will be covered too. I guess I will see when I transfer it over. (Do you guys play the prescription transfer game so you can get $25 gift cards?)
I've been testing every day, and it's still stark white. I'm thinking I'm only 4DPO, so the chance of me being pregnant is -.4555%. I'm looking forward to my next visit with research doc. It will be next Friday.
It has been hella hot in our parts lately. Heat advisories and such. We are looking at over 90 every day, and add humidity on top of it and people are melting. We aren't used to these temperatures in the north..at least not for days on end. I am very grateful for ac in the house. However, my van's ac has to be repaired, so I limit my driving on these super hot days. Today I am tutoring at the zoo. It will be a hot one, but perhaps we will spend a lot of time in the Arctic Zone. =)

Happy 4th of July!

Well, I'm either 8DPO, 9DPO, 3DPO, or never ovulated. Regardless, I started the pro.vera on Tuesday, so I have been on it for 4 days. My prescription is for 10 days, and then I should start bleeding. If I had any hope that I might be pregnant, I wouldn't be taking it, however, the liklihood is so slim, that I'm taking my chances. The nurse said it wasn't a big deal if I ended up pregnant while on the pro.vera, but to stop taking it if I do.
I have upwards of 40 hpts in this house (ordering mishap) so I may take a test or two before this possible tww is over. We will see.

Losing Hope

Yesterday I woke up with a slight fever that stayed with me all day. I had a general day of feeling like crap, but I couldn't tell you what hurt. Just felt like crap for most of the day. Oh, and hot. We skipped church (something we rarely do) and even our Sunday School Teacher meeting (which only happens once a month). We did make it out for our friend's birthday dinner, but left early because I was having another horrific hot flash.

This morning, my temp was a full degree lower than it was yesterday. I was sad. Today is 13DPO, so it makes sense to have a temp dive downward. When I put it in ff, I did see that I am still above the coverline, but it just feels like af is around the corner. I checked the "fever" box for yesterday, so it discredited my temp (which was 98.8).

I know its not over until it's over, but hope is slipping away. I hate that you can have perfect timing, lots of the symptoms (my bbs are still sore this morning), and still not end up pregnant.

Tested

So I tested...and maybe more than once.
Nuttin.
Negative.
White Space.
Currently I am 11DPO, so it is still early. My bbs are hurting more and more. Tonight I am very emotional. I just feel like crying, and for no apparent reason. Whether period or pregnancy, hormones are whack.

Not the same.

I can't help but compare this TWW to the one where we ended up pregnant with Sprout. The thing is, every time I feel a symptom, I write it off as something else. I have had some tender bbs for the last couple of days, but when I think back to the previous pregnancy, I automatically say, "well last time was much worse, so this must not be anything" or "last time the sore bbs started at 7dpo."
I know, I know, every pregnancy is different. I know that little embryos decide to implant at different times. I know all this...BUT!
I just looked back at the ff chart and my blog post at 9DPO (where I am today) and the only symptoms I talked about were fatigue and sore bbs. I checked the "bloated" box on ff too.
I think I am comparing my pregnancy feelings to this tww, not the actual tww feelings, so that too, is dangerous. You feel a lot different in week 9 than at 9DPO.
I have done an excellent job of not obsessing...and if you call what I just typed above obsessing, then you haven't been reading our blog that long, nor (I dare to guess) have been in the IF community too long.
It's 9DPO and I haven't thought about testing...well I did, but I didn't do it. Score one for me.

7dpo

• Tired (but it being a busy week at school, I think I would be tired anyway...however I did have a spell of ineedtosleeprightnowandimeanRIGHTnow last night before bed when I was watching one of my favorite shows)
• This morning I started with the OMGitssohotgettheseclothesoffofmerightnow, only to be followed with I'mfreezingwhereismyrobe.
• Backache for the past 3 days
• Very hungry yesterday (couldn't get satiated), but kind of queasy this morning
• Found out one set of our lesbian acquaintances is pregnant (via facebook). The last time we saw them was at pride last year (when I was pregnant). One of them told us they were going to start trying soon. Bittersweet news.
• Found out (via facebook) another friend from high school is going through fertility treatments to get pregnant. I am guessing IVF because she did almost a month worth of shots (that sounds right, doesn't it?) My heart ached a bit for her this morning. She will find out next week if it worked.
• Pregnant friend at work is eating saltines all the time to combat her morning sickness. Poor girl.
• Pregnant acquaintance at work has her baby shower on May 1st. (This is the woman who delivered her baby way early last year and she didn't survive) I don't really want to go to the shower, and hopefully I have moving as an excuse, but I feel terribly guilty. I truly want the best for her baby and their family, but I just don't think I'm there yet. Y'all understand, right?

4dpo

It's 4DPO and too early for symptoms.
We are very hopeful and are treating me as if I am pregnant.
Yesterday we were at some friends' house and they served us some fruit and cheese.
When we left, I said to B. "It was nice of them to serve us those snacks. Especially since in about 3 weeks that is all I will want to eat...unless this pregnancy is different from before."
It's nice to be pregnant again.

Check it out...

Fertility Friend gave me crosshairs this morning and this is what I saw when I scrolled further down the page:

So I am officially in the TWW. I expect to see that positive test in about 10 days!

8DPO-20DPO

I'm somewhere in that range. Nothing like a 12 day range.
We went to the dollar store last night and I picked up a few tests. This morning's test was almost mocking me. As the pink dye went across the window there was almost a white line staring back at me where the test line should be. Ugh. I'm trying to remain hopeful here, but it is proving to be a little difficult. At this point, I'm almost ready to welcome AF, just so I can get this cycle over with and start over....but then I read this last night and it kind of gave me hope. (a false sense? I do not know.)
Could it be possible that I could be in the 1% of women that will not get a positive test 16-19DPO but still remain pregnant? I sure was in the minority when I had a second trimester miscarriage...1-5%.
I am thinking I will have to get my doctor involved if the answer is not clear by next Monday. Until then...we wait.

No news is good news?

Temp went up again today. 98.2.
I have always said that I would love to be a straight fertile girl during The Wait because a lot of times, they have no idea they are pregnant until they are 6-7-even 8 weeks along.
Maybe that will be me. I didn't test yesterday or today and I don't plan on testing until my 3rd ovulation scenario goes past 14DPO. Which would put me testing again next Monday (if my temp stays high, of course).
We will see.

It is what it is

My temp took a bit of a nose dive this morning, but is still a half degree above the cover line. I am also feeling a bit of watery cm, which is usually the first sign AF is on her way.
It is what it is, and all is good.
That has been my mantra this entire two three week wait.
God is the source, and I am but the channel.
I would be silly to think I can understand His timing.
I guess I will know for sure about this cycle later today or tomorrow.

After I wrote the post above, I checked my email and had this waiting for me....

Surprise

I am open to unexpected blessings. Life is filled with surprises, both big
and small. They may come through an unexpected phone call from a friend,
exciting news of a new opportunity, or a surprise invitation to an event. Each
surprise bears its own gift and blessing.
I am open to life's surprises and to the unforeseen treasures that come my way. As I become receptive, I release any expectations about how my life will unfold, for I know that God is in charge. The light and love of God fill me and those I care for, leading each of us along life's path. I look forward to the surprises that come my way. I may see some as treasures and some as challenges but I can be sure that each
surprise blesses me and opens my life to unexpected good.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.--Matthew 6:21

3 possible scenarios

I played around with FF this morning and my ovulation date. Since the tests are coming up negative (besides that one...but, like I said in that post...those tests gave me positive lines before when NOT pregnant), I am thinking more and more that my ovulation date is wrong. This first chart is what FF thinks my ovulation is based on the "advanced" method.This chart is if I move my O date a few days forward to CD24. On this chart, I am now currently 13DPO with the possibility of being pregnant.This final chart is one I am not particularly fond of, because then I am only 8DPO with NO chance of being pregnant.

They all look feasible to me.

Feeling pregnant

So we just got home from the grocery store and all of a sudden, I felt a giant wave of pregnant-ness.
I had to get my bra off immediately because my nips felt like they were on fire, and the nauseousness came on with a bang. I felt this same way almost every single day of my first trimester before. I am also having some weird twinges on my right side, that started earlier tonight.
I sure hope its pregnant-ness.
I had to take two naps today. This fatigue is ri-donk.

For those of you playing along at home

• Temp was 98.4 this morning.
• Test was still negative.
• I am now 15DPO.
• Normal luteal phase is 12-13 days.
• With Sprout's pregnancy I got my first positive at 11DPO.
• I know every pregnancy/cycle is different.
• I am at ease with however this cycle turns out.
• I had fun on FF yesterday looking up charts with "late positive pregnancy test (>15DPO)" and "negative HPT before positive HPT"
• I am still extremely tired everyday. If I am not pregnant than I seriously think something else is wrong with me. I've never been this tired so consistently in my life.
• I have decided I will test every other day if my temp remains high.

In other non-ttc news, I received my new teaching certificate in the mail today with my National Board Certification listed. My new certificate is now good until 2020! Woot!

Still nothing.

Fertility Friend gave me a wonderful message this morning: "You are past your usual luteal phase.You may take a test, you may be pregnant!" Really? Thanks for the go-ahead FF. Like I haven't been testing every single day.

Ugh.

Here's my chart. Opinions please. What the heck is going on?