Pay it Forward

Today is Pay it Forward Day. Even though everyday should be a "pay-it-forward" kind of day, pay special attention to what you can do today to help someone else. The concept and idea became more of a main stream/pop culture idea when the book (and later the movie) was released.

"You see, I do something real good for three people. And then when they ask how they can pay it back, I say they have to Pay It Forward. To three more people. Each. So nine people get helped. Then those people have to do twenty-seven." He turned on the calculator, punched in a few numbers. "Then it sort of spreads out, see. To eighty-one. Then two hundred forty-three. Then seven hundred twenty-nine. Then two thousand, one hundred eighty-seven. See how big it gets?"

So what are you going to do today to change the world?

Notes to Self

• Do not record your symptoms in FF. They will just give you false hope. You can have all of the symptoms and not end up pregnant.
• Same holds true for temping. Stop temping once you know you have ovulated. Just start wearing protection on CD13 and call it a day.
• Do not read facebook on CD1. Inevitably someone will announce their pregnancy...or in today's case..TWO people.
• Watch Weeds. Weeds makes you feel better.
• Do not get mad/angry/jealous/irritated with people who say "I'm so sorry" or "It will happen when it happens." or "God has perfect timing." They mean well. They want you to feel better.
• Remember it is not a race. Who cares that people that are younger than you are working on their second, third, or FOURTH babies (see bullet point #3)? You will have the perfect baby at the perfect time.
• As much as it feels like it, each busted cycle is not a reflection on you. You are not a failure.
• You are a mother, no matter what anyone says.

CD1 Again.

Yep. She's here.

Losing Hope

Yesterday I woke up with a slight fever that stayed with me all day. I had a general day of feeling like crap, but I couldn't tell you what hurt. Just felt like crap for most of the day. Oh, and hot. We skipped church (something we rarely do) and even our Sunday School Teacher meeting (which only happens once a month). We did make it out for our friend's birthday dinner, but left early because I was having another horrific hot flash.

This morning, my temp was a full degree lower than it was yesterday. I was sad. Today is 13DPO, so it makes sense to have a temp dive downward. When I put it in ff, I did see that I am still above the coverline, but it just feels like af is around the corner. I checked the "fever" box for yesterday, so it discredited my temp (which was 98.8).

I know its not over until it's over, but hope is slipping away. I hate that you can have perfect timing, lots of the symptoms (my bbs are still sore this morning), and still not end up pregnant.

Tested

So I tested...and maybe more than once.
Nuttin.
Negative.
White Space.
Currently I am 11DPO, so it is still early. My bbs are hurting more and more. Tonight I am very emotional. I just feel like crying, and for no apparent reason. Whether period or pregnancy, hormones are whack.

Not the same.

I can't help but compare this TWW to the one where we ended up pregnant with Sprout. The thing is, every time I feel a symptom, I write it off as something else. I have had some tender bbs for the last couple of days, but when I think back to the previous pregnancy, I automatically say, "well last time was much worse, so this must not be anything" or "last time the sore bbs started at 7dpo."
I know, I know, every pregnancy is different. I know that little embryos decide to implant at different times. I know all this...BUT!
I just looked back at the ff chart and my blog post at 9DPO (where I am today) and the only symptoms I talked about were fatigue and sore bbs. I checked the "bloated" box on ff too.
I think I am comparing my pregnancy feelings to this tww, not the actual tww feelings, so that too, is dangerous. You feel a lot different in week 9 than at 9DPO.
I have done an excellent job of not obsessing...and if you call what I just typed above obsessing, then you haven't been reading our blog that long, nor (I dare to guess) have been in the IF community too long.
It's 9DPO and I haven't thought about testing...well I did, but I didn't do it. Score one for me.

B's New Blog

Hi everyone, I just created a new blog for my new quest to learn more about veganism. Check it out if you like at justaveganintraining.blogspot.com/.

Love, B :)

7dpo

• Tired (but it being a busy week at school, I think I would be tired anyway...however I did have a spell of ineedtosleeprightnowandimeanRIGHTnow last night before bed when I was watching one of my favorite shows)
• This morning I started with the OMGitssohotgettheseclothesoffofmerightnow, only to be followed with I'mfreezingwhereismyrobe.
• Backache for the past 3 days
• Very hungry yesterday (couldn't get satiated), but kind of queasy this morning
• Found out one set of our lesbian acquaintances is pregnant (via facebook). The last time we saw them was at pride last year (when I was pregnant). One of them told us they were going to start trying soon. Bittersweet news.
• Found out (via facebook) another friend from high school is going through fertility treatments to get pregnant. I am guessing IVF because she did almost a month worth of shots (that sounds right, doesn't it?) My heart ached a bit for her this morning. She will find out next week if it worked.
• Pregnant friend at work is eating saltines all the time to combat her morning sickness. Poor girl.
• Pregnant acquaintance at work has her baby shower on May 1st. (This is the woman who delivered her baby way early last year and she didn't survive) I don't really want to go to the shower, and hopefully I have moving as an excuse, but I feel terribly guilty. I truly want the best for her baby and their family, but I just don't think I'm there yet. Y'all understand, right?

VegFest

Yesterday was great. We taught our preschoolers at church in the morning (and planted marigolds with them) and then headed over to our new neighborhood (kind of) to attend Michigan's VegFest.
If you haven't heard of VegFest, it's an all vegetarian event that "celebrates an animal-free, plant-based lifestyle." There were exhibitors and vendors as well as several guest speakers. We arrived in time to listen to Rory Freedman, author of Skinny Bitch. B had already read her book, so she knew about her no-nonsense (and hilarious) style.
I haven't had red meat since 1994 and have gone on and off years without any meat. Currently, B and I are both on a modified vegetarian diet (we will eat fish). We are seriously considering going dairy-free as well. We will see. I did promise to not buy any more dairy for the next 30 days. We still have a few dairy products in the house though (not to mention all of the products that contain dairy).
It was really nice to walk around yesterday and not worry about there being sneaky meat in any of the samples. It was also nice to be around like-minded people. Love that.

4dpo

It's 4DPO and too early for symptoms.
We are very hopeful and are treating me as if I am pregnant.
Yesterday we were at some friends' house and they served us some fruit and cheese.
When we left, I said to B. "It was nice of them to serve us those snacks. Especially since in about 3 weeks that is all I will want to eat...unless this pregnancy is different from before."
It's nice to be pregnant again.

Check it out...

Fertility Friend gave me crosshairs this morning and this is what I saw when I scrolled further down the page:

So I am officially in the TWW. I expect to see that positive test in about 10 days!

Feeling hot, hot, hot

Small temp rise this morning, but I woke up with that "hot on the inside" feeling that frequents my body during the luteal phase (and pregnancy). It's a good thing, though, because it is just more confirmation that our timing was right on. Score one for the team.
I was in such a deep sleep when my alarm went off this morning (at 4:15) that I thought it was the weekend and it was a mistake that my alarm went off. Nope. Only Wednesday. The first week back after break can be a little rough.
Speaking of school, I have seemed to misplace an envelope full of checks made out to Scholastic. I sure hope in the packing/cleaning we did over break I did not throw it out or put it in the recycle box. Wish me luck in finding it!

Rockstar

I'm pretty much a rockstar ovulator. When I do it, I do it well!
I got another positive OPK this afternoon. Our timing is impeccable. The last time I had this great timing, I got pregnant with Sprout. Bring on the pregnancy!
Another co-worker announced her pregnancy (I had heard about it last week or the week before, but I dismissed it since we were just at a conference together and she was drinking like a sailor.) Either she didn't know yet, or she's not that bright....I'm guessing it's the first, because she's typically a highly intelligent woman.
So that's two preggos in the school...one due in June, one due in November. (She is due near Thanksgiving, so I am guessing she is only 7ish weeks along...right?) I am guessing another one will be pregnant before the end of the school year (she just got home from her honeymoon last week...and they delayed the honeymoon almost a year after their wedding). Once I join the club, there's going to be fights for the staff bathroom. =)

PEAK!

CD25 and I got a PEAK!
Yesterday was a very positive OPK, so I was expecting it, but you never quite know with my body.
We did the insem last night and I will do another one after school today. Most likely, I will do one on Tuesday as well (depending on if I get a temp shift tomorrow or not).
This is so exciting.
I'm off the Met and waiting to be put into that study (the nurse emailed me last week to set up my initial appointment). I can't wait to tell her that I can't be in the study because I am pregnant. I'll have the confirmation in just 2.5 short weeks! Woot.
In not so exciting news, today it is back to work/school for both of us. This was a work-filled vacation, but we sure did reap the benefits of our hard work!

Spring Break

I was on Spring Break this past week...but it wasn't much of a break, really. We were packing and having a garage sale. Those garage sales are a LOT of work. I am glad we made enough to get our patio set, a futon, a flat screen monitor, and even some flowers. Now if the people that are currently in the house will just move, we will be all set.
I got a perfectly positive OPK this afternoon, so we are off to do an insem tonight. We will do one tomorrow afternoon as well. Depending on my temps and the opks, we may do another on Tuesday as well. We will see. My body tends to give false positives sometimes, but I feel in my heart that this is a true positive.
Here's hoping I can catch the end of the BFP wave that has been around here for a little bit.

Its hard

I'm sad. At least for some of the day, most days. I knew this part of the year would be hard, but I didn't quite realize how hard. I'm fighting the urge to just crawl into myself and not deal with anything.
The news of several pregnancies in blog land...especially with those now expecting their SECOND babies, has been extra difficult.
I've been invited to two baby showers in the past week.
This is hard.
I am glad B and I have the next week off together to focus on getting our house packed and ready for our garage sale this weekend. I need a distraction. Do you think I can stay distracted all through the summer? eh. =/

Uh..yeah.

Know those gun shots I posted about on Tuesday?
Well our neighbor behind us was killed in his driveway. We did not know this neighbor, but it's scary. The police came to our house on Tuesday evening and asked to search our backyard. They didn't find anything. They do think that the victim knew his assailant.
Good thing we are moving next month. Yep, that was our big news. We are moving to a much nicer, safer, and gay friendlier neighborhood in May. We cannot wait. This move cannot come soon enough.
In TTC news, my opk was dark yesterday. Dark enough for me to warrant doing another one in the evening. It never went positive, but so close. We may do an insem tomorrow, if the opk is dark/positive today. It could just be my body playing an April Fools joke though.
Today is the start of my Spring Break at 2:32pm. Awesome.