On the road to baby!

I started yesterday, which means my CD2 u/s is a go for today!
I will get my meds today as well and begin them when they tell me to. I will either be on clom.id or fem.ara (neither I, or the doctor will know which one).
Today I have some horrible cramps, but they are reminding me about the joys of being a woman and the wonderful opportunities we have to bring children into the world.

Notes to Self

• Do not record your symptoms in FF. They will just give you false hope. You can have all of the symptoms and not end up pregnant.
• Same holds true for temping. Stop temping once you know you have ovulated. Just start wearing protection on CD13 and call it a day.
• Do not read facebook on CD1. Inevitably someone will announce their pregnancy...or in today's case..TWO people.
• Watch Weeds. Weeds makes you feel better.
• Do not get mad/angry/jealous/irritated with people who say "I'm so sorry" or "It will happen when it happens." or "God has perfect timing." They mean well. They want you to feel better.
• Remember it is not a race. Who cares that people that are younger than you are working on their second, third, or FOURTH babies (see bullet point #3)? You will have the perfect baby at the perfect time.
• As much as it feels like it, each busted cycle is not a reflection on you. You are not a failure.
• You are a mother, no matter what anyone says.

CD1 Again.

Yep. She's here.

Losing Hope

Yesterday I woke up with a slight fever that stayed with me all day. I had a general day of feeling like crap, but I couldn't tell you what hurt. Just felt like crap for most of the day. Oh, and hot. We skipped church (something we rarely do) and even our Sunday School Teacher meeting (which only happens once a month). We did make it out for our friend's birthday dinner, but left early because I was having another horrific hot flash.

This morning, my temp was a full degree lower than it was yesterday. I was sad. Today is 13DPO, so it makes sense to have a temp dive downward. When I put it in ff, I did see that I am still above the coverline, but it just feels like af is around the corner. I checked the "fever" box for yesterday, so it discredited my temp (which was 98.8).

I know its not over until it's over, but hope is slipping away. I hate that you can have perfect timing, lots of the symptoms (my bbs are still sore this morning), and still not end up pregnant.

CD3

Today is CD3. This will hopefully be my last cycle on our own before the study. They have all of my paper work, so I hope to hear from the nurse sometime next week.
I am going to be an expert charter this cycle. I am not forgetting to put anything down, including my meds. I even created new check boxes for my vitamins, folgard, and baby aspirin.
When I get my first high on the CBEFM I will begin using OPKs. Last year, at this time, I was in the TWW that would produce Sprout. Wouldn't it be ironic if we became pregnant and got admitted to the study at the same time. I'll take the irony. Really. I will.

Possibly CD1

Today may or may not be CD1.
Based on my temps I did not ovulate, so this could just be "breakthrough bleeding" and not my period. It's light and spotty right now, so we will see.
All of my paperwork was faxed into the University for the PCOS study today. Hopefully they will get back to me shortly and we can get this party started. I sure hope I qualify.

CD3 and a baby shower

Blood arrived on Friday.
Today B and I (as well as my mom and sister) have the joy of attending a baby shower in honor of one of my sister's childhood friends (who she no longer really talks to).
The shower is being held in the bar where she works. Right.
She's unwed, 4 years younger than me, a recovering alcoholic, an admitted drunk driver, has done time in prison and had a tether.
I know I'm not supposed to judge, but I totally am.
Why does she get a nice healthy baby (albeit with a bit of a white trash name...I've never had a "good" student with this name) and I don't.
I'm jealous.
I hate feeling jealous, especially of her.
But I'll go the baby shower.
I just hope it is non-smoking and there is food I can eat.


I just re-read this and I sound horrible. Now I'm feeling guilty. My sister's "friend" is a nice girl, and hilarious. We have had some pretty fun times in the past...I'm just seeing green right now.


Oh and FF is being a jerk-face. I thought it was my computer, so I did a virus check and ended up finding 6 instances of viruses or adware. That didn't help. Every time I open FF, other programs/websites freeze up. I can't enter anything.


In other news, I did our taxes this weekend and I am very thankful for tax returns. I have no problem giving the government an interest free loan throughout the year, as long as I get a big payment in February!

Temp was 97.6 this morning.
At least the outcome is clear(er) now.
Onward and upward.
Bring on the baby.

Two questions:
1. Anyone having problems with FF?
2. Any preggo/new moms have CBEFM sticks or OPKs they want to donate or sell at a reduced price? I need to purchase some more but was waiting to find out about this cycle.

It is what it is

My temp took a bit of a nose dive this morning, but is still a half degree above the cover line. I am also feeling a bit of watery cm, which is usually the first sign AF is on her way.
It is what it is, and all is good.
That has been my mantra this entire two three week wait.
God is the source, and I am but the channel.
I would be silly to think I can understand His timing.
I guess I will know for sure about this cycle later today or tomorrow.

After I wrote the post above, I checked my email and had this waiting for me....

Surprise

I am open to unexpected blessings. Life is filled with surprises, both big
and small. They may come through an unexpected phone call from a friend,
exciting news of a new opportunity, or a surprise invitation to an event. Each
surprise bears its own gift and blessing.
I am open to life's surprises and to the unforeseen treasures that come my way. As I become receptive, I release any expectations about how my life will unfold, for I know that God is in charge. The light and love of God fill me and those I care for, leading each of us along life's path. I look forward to the surprises that come my way. I may see some as treasures and some as challenges but I can be sure that each
surprise blesses me and opens my life to unexpected good.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.--Matthew 6:21

BFN..again.

Af arrived at noon today. Happy Holidays to me. =/

Where was my temp dip warning?!?! I've never had an 11 day luteal before..wth?

I'll start back on the Met. tonight.

12DPO

I feel like AF is right around the corner. Yesterday I was having some cramping and the watery CM has started. All 3 times I have had positive tests have always happened by now (at 12DPO). I'm trying not to get discouraged, but it is hard when my body is giving me so many AF signs.
My temp was still high this morning, but it may dive tomorrow. Time will tell. The HPTs are still negative, with no hint of a line. (I guess this is better than those last two cycles where we got our hopes up, only to have AF follow shortly afterward.)
Today, in my inbox was the daily meditation from my church. I found it appropriate:

Dear God, Prepare the way in our hearts for the miracle of Christmas.
Soften those places in us that have hardened. Breathe new life into our dry
bones. We want to experience the fullness of Your presence in us. Help us to be
prepared to receive Your gift. Amen

The weirdness continues

So yesterday, after AF arrived..she was gone before I knew it.
I also was running a fever of 100.8.
Today I still have the fever and had a very light period day, and now I'm back to just barely there spotting.
Can a fever screw up your bleeding?
I am calling my PCP tomorrow to see if he needs to see me.
Other than the fever and a slight tickle in my throat (and feeling hot and cold) and being a bit tired...I'm totally fine.
Luckily tomorrow is a half day, then I am off for the holiday.

She's here...

Blood arrived at 12:30pm today.
Here's to next month.

No blood-temp rise

So AF never came yesterday, and there was only one instance of weird spotting, that I wouldn't have even seen if I wasn't looking for it.

My temp went back up this morning.

There are a few theories:

1. I am pregnant. (of course this one is my favorite theory)

2. I missed my ovulation date and I really ovulated on CD29, making yesterdays downward temp a possible implantation dip...meaning I am only at 8DPO, not 15DPO

3. My temps are just wonky.

4. I never did ovulate.

5. I ovulated twice.

6. I am not pregnant and today's temp was a fluke (of course my least favorite)

I am attaching my chart for your viewing pleasure.

Quick Elaboration-BFN post

This cycle was a bit wonky with temps and no peak on the monitor. I was fairly confident I O'ed on CD23, but without the monitor agreeing, and with a bonus positive OPK, I was thrown for a loop. I continued to temp, having some pregnancy symptoms starting at 8DPO (a day after a clear temp shift-implantation dip?). The waves of nausea were very reminiscent of the Sprout pregnancy's first trimester. I took a test at 10DPO and there was a line. It was faint, but it was there, and came up rather quickly. Having experienced a chemical pregnancy two months ago, we were tentatively excited. However, B did not want me to share anything here (hence my cryptic posts).

11DPO the line was even fainter. At 12DPO we switched to Dollar store tests. Then I started doubting myself. Am I seeing a line, or is it just a shadow. At 13DPO (yesterday) I saw nothing. When B woke up, a few hours later than me, she saw a clear line. (Clearly an evap).
This morning (14DPO), my temp shifted downward and I've had some spotting.

This cycle didn't work, but I am pretty confident I still ovulated since my luteal phase was the same length as usual.

After work this afternoon I will stop at the drug store to pick up AF products and my new script for Met.for.min. (I haven't been on Met.for.min regularly since February...I tried it for a few days a month after the miscarriage, but I had such a problem with it, I stopped...so I'm trying it again, with a new prescription. If this script still makes me feel like a$$, then I will ask for the extended release version). I have decided that I am starting with one 500mg pill a day and will eventually work myself up to the 3 a day I was prescribed a while ago.

Line. No line. Period. No Period.

Why does TTC make a fairly educated woman (aka me) so confused.
There was a line.
Then there wasn't.
Then there was.
Who knows.
I feel like my period is going to start.
I will test again in the morning if my temp stays high.
Today is 13DPO.
No congratulations please...let's wait this out.

Looking to the future

I am feeling very confident about this cycle. We will not have timing issues or medical issues to deal with (God-willing), and this won't be a third Hail-Mary pass. Everything will work out perfectly.

These past few days have been a bit crazy in our world. It is our state's standardized testing window (which provides it's own stress-not to mention the 20% of kids we have out sick with the Swine Flu), I had 2 late nights of conferences and B had a workshop at work. Add on top of that our Sprout anniversary, Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and the arrival of AF and I was happy to be so busy.

I called my mom on Thursday. She said that at cards (my mom is in a card club that meets once a week) one of her old lady friends came in with a bag. When my mom asked what it was, she said, "Isn't your daughter due in December?" (The lady goes to Florida from October - May) My mom explained what happened and tried to get her to take it back. She said no and told my mom to keep it for when we do get pregnant again. The woman crocheted us a baby blanket! How sweet. It made my mom cry and almost made me cry too. I can't wait to see it.

Today is full of housework, since the house has been neglected while we have been working. When B gets home from work we are going to go see the Hangover at the cheap show with some friends. Should be a pretty mellow evening, just how I like it, especially after a crazy week.

Still Negative

No double line this morning.
I'm 14DPO. I've never gone this far without blood or a positive test.
I am thinking it could be three things:
1. I am pregnant, it's just not showing up on the test yet.
2. I am not pregnant, but AF has not arrived yet.
3. I got my ovulation date wrong, so I am not really 14DPO. (If this is the case, because we did only one insem this cycle, the chance of me being pregnant is veryveryslim.)

Last month I had the positive test, but no pregnancy, maybe this month I won't have the positive, but end up with a baby...wouldn't that be marvelous?

Oh and I took my temp this morning just to see if it would be in the 97's (a sure sign AF is on her way) and it was 98.0. Limbo land. Great.

I'm trying to stay positive...

CD4

This period has been lighter than usual.
I will start temping again on Monday.
CBEFM will start on CD9
OPKs will begin then too.
I'm hoping for another normal cycle and no delayed ovulation.

Nosedive

Nosedive temp today.
Blood should arrive today or tomorrow.
Come on June baby!