Thanks for keeping me in check

I spotted pink a few times yesterday and then it switched to light brown. Then it was barely there (only crazy TTCers would even notice). I wore a pad to bed. Nothing when I woke up. After I went to the bathroom, I noticed the barely-there-tinted-brown stuff, but I still took a test. The line is WAY darker than yesterday. I'm feeling better.
I also took my temp this morning, something I haven't done since 4DPO. 99.0. HOT.
So today I am officially 4 weeks pregnant. And boy does if feel like I've been pregnant(and worried) for much longer than 5 days.

Well Lookey Here...

We have crosshairs! (And solid ones at that!)
It looks like we had some perfectly timed insems (minus the first one that was a little premature). I am feeling very good about this cycle. Bring on the BFP!
Today B leaves for VA for a few days to visit her BFF before she deploys to Afghanistan. Please pray for safe travels for B and a safe tour of duty for Sarah. She is one of the sweetest and most gentle people I know and to think of her in a war zone is heart-wrenching. I am so glad B will be able to spend some time with her before she leaves.
B returns very late on Friday night, so I hope her being gone keeps me distracted from this TWW. I think I am going to stop temping after tomorrow. We will see if I can hold out.

Ask and ye shall receive...

Temp dropped this morning...97.8.
CD1 is right around the corner now...hopefully today!
I also received this in my email this morning (part of a daily meditation I get emailed to me):

"The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us."~Aiden Wilson Tozer

PS. The temp shift pushed my O date back to CD18...oh FF, you are so silly!

No news.

FF is confused about my chart. Either I'm triphasic (at 13 or 14 DPO) or 4DPO. Research and Fertility/Monitor settings give me the later DPOs, but Advanced and Fertility Awareness give me the other. Either way, tomorrow is my last day on the pro.vera.
I had good news when I went to the drug store to renew my Fol.gard. It's now covered under my insurance. Woot. I'm wondering now if my prenatal will be covered too. I guess I will see when I transfer it over. (Do you guys play the prescription transfer game so you can get $25 gift cards?)
I've been testing every day, and it's still stark white. I'm thinking I'm only 4DPO, so the chance of me being pregnant is -.4555%. I'm looking forward to my next visit with research doc. It will be next Friday.
It has been hella hot in our parts lately. Heat advisories and such. We are looking at over 90 every day, and add humidity on top of it and people are melting. We aren't used to these temperatures in the north..at least not for days on end. I am very grateful for ac in the house. However, my van's ac has to be repaired, so I limit my driving on these super hot days. Today I am tutoring at the zoo. It will be a hot one, but perhaps we will spend a lot of time in the Arctic Zone. =)

Another decision

If I don't get a temp spike tomorrow, I am going to take a precautionary pregnancy test (given to me by the clinic) and start on the pro.vera. I will take the pro.vera for 10 days and then start bleeding within the next 10 days. We will see.

Timing is everything

I'm not sure if the timing was right on this cycle or not. I never got a positive OPK (I know I could have missed the surge by only testing once a day). Also, my temp has not shifted how I would like to see it shift. Check out my chart and let me know what you think. Fertility Friend
I think I will know more in the next few days.

Non-stressed

This whole move has done wonders for my stress and anxiety. I feel safe. I don't worry if we go to bed upstairs without a phone by our bedside. I am fairly confident I will not hear gun-shots or someone will not break in. I never realized how unsafe I was feeling in the old house. I didn't like being home alone, especially at night. I didn't like B driving home at night. Here, it is a completely different story.
Apparently my body is reacting to the non-stress. I got a PEAK on the monitor today on CD16. FF thinks I will O tomorrow. CD17 folks. That's awesome. I texted our donor, so I hope he is in town and available.
*Edit* He IS available. Love it!
My newest doc prescribed me some prenatals. (Pre.nate Plus) I went to the pharmacy and neither my insurance nor B's insurance covers them. How is this possible? I am so frustrated. Luckily, a local chain of mega-grocery stores offers them for free. I took my prescription there after I found out. We are not poor people, just budget conscious and until December (after our credit cards are paid off), every nickel counts. However, had I not known about the free prenatals and I was poor (or uneducated) I may have just skipped getting the prescription filled. I know there are ways to educate women who don't know about these resources, and I would like to help.
Another thing that bothered me was dealing with unemployment. For the first time in my 16 years of working, I was laid off. I had to file for unemployment. (Luckily, I got my recall letter last week-so I won't be needing unemployment). Again, for uneducated people, or those without internet access, the process can be daunting. I just want to fix everything and help everyone. One step at a time.

CD22

Here we are at CD22 and on my 9th day of HIGHs on the monitor. The CBEFM sticks don't seem to be changing much, but the OPKs seem to be getting darker. Temps are consistent. Maybe I will ovulate CD26 like a "typical" cycle. I hate guessing anymore. Just taking every day as it comes.

Next month is our one year anniversary of our miscarriage. To commemorate and celebrate Sprout, we got tattoos. I've never had a tattoo before and I never thought I would get one. But I did! The pics are below. The green one is mine and the blue one is B's. Mine is on my right arm and B's is on her left arm. The pics are blurry and small because they are from her cell phone.

Losing Hope

Yesterday I woke up with a slight fever that stayed with me all day. I had a general day of feeling like crap, but I couldn't tell you what hurt. Just felt like crap for most of the day. Oh, and hot. We skipped church (something we rarely do) and even our Sunday School Teacher meeting (which only happens once a month). We did make it out for our friend's birthday dinner, but left early because I was having another horrific hot flash.

This morning, my temp was a full degree lower than it was yesterday. I was sad. Today is 13DPO, so it makes sense to have a temp dive downward. When I put it in ff, I did see that I am still above the coverline, but it just feels like af is around the corner. I checked the "fever" box for yesterday, so it discredited my temp (which was 98.8).

I know its not over until it's over, but hope is slipping away. I hate that you can have perfect timing, lots of the symptoms (my bbs are still sore this morning), and still not end up pregnant.

Check it out...

Fertility Friend gave me crosshairs this morning and this is what I saw when I scrolled further down the page:

So I am officially in the TWW. I expect to see that positive test in about 10 days!

Feeling hot, hot, hot

Small temp rise this morning, but I woke up with that "hot on the inside" feeling that frequents my body during the luteal phase (and pregnancy). It's a good thing, though, because it is just more confirmation that our timing was right on. Score one for the team.
I was in such a deep sleep when my alarm went off this morning (at 4:15) that I thought it was the weekend and it was a mistake that my alarm went off. Nope. Only Wednesday. The first week back after break can be a little rough.
Speaking of school, I have seemed to misplace an envelope full of checks made out to Scholastic. I sure hope in the packing/cleaning we did over break I did not throw it out or put it in the recycle box. Wish me luck in finding it!

PEAK!

CD25 and I got a PEAK!
Yesterday was a very positive OPK, so I was expecting it, but you never quite know with my body.
We did the insem last night and I will do another one after school today. Most likely, I will do one on Tuesday as well (depending on if I get a temp shift tomorrow or not).
This is so exciting.
I'm off the Met and waiting to be put into that study (the nurse emailed me last week to set up my initial appointment). I can't wait to tell her that I can't be in the study because I am pregnant. I'll have the confirmation in just 2.5 short weeks! Woot.
In not so exciting news, today it is back to work/school for both of us. This was a work-filled vacation, but we sure did reap the benefits of our hard work!

Gun shots

I was doing so well with keeping my chart looking nice and then this morning, at 3am, we were startled out of bed by the sound of gun shots. The dogs went wild. For a moment I thought someone had broken into the house. Luckily, that was not the case, although I'm not sure what did happen.
It did prevent me from taking my bbt. I had to store my fmu in the fridge to use in the cbefm...uh..ew...the things you do when ttc.
The monitor has been giving me HIGH readings for the past few days, but anybody playing along at home with us knows that doesn't mean anything. The OPK two days ago was darker than the one yesterday, so who knows. I will keep testing. Everyday.
More and more of my blog reader friends are pregnant with their first or second baby. There are not too many of us out there in our boat. Still trying since 2007....
This time of year has been especially difficult this year. Last year we found out we were pregnant on March 31st. We told my parents on Easter Sunday. And then comes Mother's Day. I am a mother, but so few people consider me so.

Possibly CD1

Today may or may not be CD1.
Based on my temps I did not ovulate, so this could just be "breakthrough bleeding" and not my period. It's light and spotty right now, so we will see.
All of my paperwork was faxed into the University for the PCOS study today. Hopefully they will get back to me shortly and we can get this party started. I sure hope I qualify.

Happy March!

Spring is coming! Spring is coming!
Of course it doesn't mean that the snow is over, but I can feel Spring in the distance. Our winter hasn't been horrible with the amount of snow, or even the cold temperatures, but I am still ready for Spring!

Today is my appointment with the Maternal and Fetal Medicine doctor. I am hoping to get some testing done and possibly some drugs. If she can switch me to Metformin Xr, I will be most grateful. Also, I know she's not an RE, but if she can save me a trip to another doctor and prescribe me some provera to jump start my period and some clomid to help with the next cycle, I'd appreciate that too. The worst that can happen if I ask is she says no.

Today is CD32. I don't think I have had a temp shift (I stopped temping last week), but I guess I should take one BBT this week to determine what phase/stage I am in in my cycle.
I guess only time will tell...or a fancy ultrasound, but I don't have one of those machines. (Wouldn't that be nice though? We could do all the fertility monitoring we want!)

Last Day

Today is my last day of testing for this cycle. Since I still have not gotten the temp shift and NKD is out of town until the 6th, it's silly for me to keep temping and wasting OPKs. If I had another sperm source, I would, but alas, I do not.
I am thinking more and more about going back to the RE for some IUIs or IVF. I don't know if I would go back to my old RE (at the fancyshmancy clinic) or try to find some where different.
Everything is in limbo right now because we have some major life decisions to make in the next month or so. I will update everyone here when I can.
As for now, I'm benched.

Another one

We are doing another insem this evening. I still haven't had a temp shift, and I am convinced that the positive OPK on CD19 was just a false positive due to my PCOS. I'm expecting another positive OPK today, so the timing should be right on. I don't think this will be a false positive either.
Fun times.
3 cheers for a very accommodating donor!

We are expecting another 4-8 inches of snow tonight (I know it's nothing compared to the snow that has walloped the east coast this winter, but ours was just beginning to melt!) I don't really want a snow day (seeing how I am already out 3 days this week due to meetings), but I really don't want to drive in the nasty weather either. Whatever happens, happens, I guess.

I leave you now with a bible verse from today's Daily Word:

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.--Mark 11:24

Question

When do "normal" bodies get their temp shift after a positive OPK?
I did not get one this morning, and we are now CD22. I got my positive OPK on CD19. It was not positive on CD20, and I didn't even do one yesterday (CD21) because I was so sure of the impending ovulation.
Typically, I ovulate CD21-CD23 or CD25/CD26.
If I don't get a temp shift tomorrow morning, I may see if Mr. NKD is available for an insem tomorrow. If I wasn't temping, I would feel so confident about our timing this cycle. Temping does make me crazy.

Almost in the TWW

On Tuesday I had a very positive OPK while at school, so B and I swung over to see NKD and did an insem. Then yesterday I had a negative OPK (but still a pretty dark line..clearly the down turn of the surge) so I did another insem.
Because of timing, location, and the fact that I had a sign language class to get to, I ended up doing the insem in the ISDs bathroom. Since I use an instead cup, it wasn't a big deal...awkward, but not a big deal.
I fully expected a temp shift this morning, but of course did not get it. I am just giving it up to God now. As soon as I get my temp shift and crosshairs from FF, I am stopping temping.
I feel very good about this cycle, but don't want to get to the obsessed-temping stage.

CD12-WTH?

I got a PEAK on the monitor this morning.
CD12. It went from 3 days of lows to PEAK.
I haven't seen that little eggy in quite some time, but I sure wasn't expecting it today.
I am guessing it is due to a faulty stick. The blue dye was smearing.
I am not sure if the monitor will continue to test accurately now. I know normally after one PEAK day it automatically gives you another PEAK day. I am not sure what will happen tomorrow morning.
My plan for today is to pee on an OPK while at school. If it is positive, we will arrange for our donor to stay at a hotel near our house (how awesome is he that he is willing to drive in the snow that is headed our way all day today and tonight?!)
I am guessing that it will not be positive, though. I did have a temp shift downward today, which for some people is an indication of impending ovulation. For me, I think it was an indication that I did not sleep with the down comforter or pants. =)