Pictures of 2007

Some of you may have seen these pictures over on my LJ, but here are some for the benefit of the TTC crowd.

Our year, in pictures...

In February, I made Wizard of Oz cupcakes for our dear friend's birthday. I think it wasn't until August-ish that she finally threw them out!

Our little Joey got real sick in March. He had to be rushed to the emergency vet and spent a couple nights in the kitty hospital. Poor lil guy!

These are our other fur babies...Gracie and Jake. Gracie is the one giving Jake the "What the Hell are you doing" look.

B made the front of our house look amazing this spring. She has quite the little green thumb!


In August we went to "Big" Rapids to visit our friends, the Amandas. During one of our days there we took a day trip up to Traverse City. This is the lighthouse on the Old Mission Peninsula. We spent our time there looking for sea shells and people watching. While in TC we also went to Chateau Chantal for some wine tasting. It was a beautiful day.

This is the art piece we bought for KD in return for his "services." We commissioned it from our friend and amazing artist, Sarah


December brought our first BFN and our first Mexican and Margarita night. Hopefully there will be no more of these.

Cloudy Sticks

I am convinced that something is wrong with this batch of CBEFM sticks. Yesterday it was practically white with a very faint control line and today it was half white, half a cloudy blue. The part with the test line was not even wet.
The box was brand new when I bought it, but I did buy it off of E-bay....hmm.

Yesterday we did our second insem of this cycle. Insem#2 for Try#2. Hopefully those little swimmers will be ready for my egg today, since I am pretty sure she's comin' round the mountain as we speak. I have very nice EWCM so yay!

IF I get a Peak on the monitor tomorrow we will do another insem, but if I just get a temp shift, we will only do 2 insems this cycle.

Lets think positive.

I will OPK a few times today to see if I can catch a surge, otherwise, I am not going to worry too much about it. (Easier said than done)

Tonite we will ring in the new year with KD and his SO. Just the 4 of us. Or should I say, just the 4.01 of us...come on zygote!

I'm so confused

Yesterday when I looked at my stick from the FM, it had two almost identical blue lines. I was sure the PEAK would come this morning. Today, I look at the stick, and there is barely a control line. I am still at "high" but confused. I did have to start a new box of sticks today, and I realize that you should use sticks from the same batch, but I really had no control over that issue.
So now I am convinced that are first insem this cycle was too soon (although B keeps reminding me that I could still have living swimmers up there since they can live up to 7 days).
I was fully expecting a positive OPK yesterday and a PEAK reading this morning. Bummer.
KD is dropping of some spermies this morning for insem#2 for try#2. We will also do one more insemination when I finally get that peak reading..tomorrow? Tuesday?
I just want to pop that egg!

CD17...waiting for the big O

• Day 3 of highs from the FM. I am half expecting a positive OPK today with ovulation tomorrow, but I don't know if it is intuition, or intense yearning that is driving that feeling.

• This morning my BBT alarm went off just as someone was handing me a little 17 day old baby boy to hold in my dream. It is weird what our brains remember isn't it?17 days old? Why was that an important fact for my brain to remember?

• Today I am going to spend the day working on my National Board entries with a possible side trip to Bath and Body Works for their Semi-annual sale. Not that we can afford such luxuries after Christmas, but its for my sister's shower, so I will be the good SOB/MOH and do my duties.

Is my body trying to be "normal"?

CD15, FF has predicted my ovulation to be anywhere from CD21-CD26 in the past. Although, ovulation has not been detected on many cycles because of lazy charting over the past year.
I started using the Clearplan FM last month and had 13 days of high fertility before the peak came (a day after FF said I ovulated). Anyway, since it was my first month on the monitor and it was just beginning to learn my body, that was considered normal. "Normally" you get anywhere from 1-5 days of high fertility. Well today, on CD15, I got my first "high." I set today as the day I was going to start with the OPKs anyway, but that high was a surprise.
Now I don't know if I have 1 day before ovulation or 5. I emailed our KD this morning to see if we could get 3 tries in this time. Today, Friday, and possibly Saturday/Sunday (of course depending on ovulation). I don't want to insem too soon, but I also don't want to miss our opportunity here.
This is so surprising and it came up so quick. I thought I was going to have another week of waiting.
Perhaps this is God's way of involving KD's SO in our little plan to start a family. She is visiting for the holidays and we can't wait to have this amazing woman be an aunt in our child's life.
What is weird is I was getting ready to blog about the dream I had last night where I got a BFP but then looked at the results of my FM and had another topic! The feeling in my dream was amazing when I saw those two lines. I can't wait to feel that way in real life.
Anyway, I am excited about all of this and can't wait to tell B. (Alas, she is at work and left at 5am).
Hooray for Christmas surprises!

Sick and tired...or maybe just one.

My body is clearly fighting off something fierce..or I just really need this vacation.
I haven't felt "right" in a while. I am usually a pretty tired person, but these past few weeks have been horrendous. I have been so utterly exhausted. In the past week I haven't made it past 9pm. Two days this week I was asleep before 8:15. Boy am I tired. I wake up tired. Most nights I am sleeping through the nights, but during a few I have woken up. I also need to take naps during the weekend. I can't make it through the whole day!
Then there is the back pain. I have never had a "good" back since high school. I remember the first time my back went "out" when I was in college and I thought I was going to die. The doc put me on 800 Motrin, and that was laughable. It didn't even dull the pain. My back hasn't gotten to that level in a few years, but it seems like whatever I do, doesn't help.
Of course there are the mysterious stomach/menstrual cramps. I'm CD10 here people, with an average cycle of 35+ days. No reason for this. Its not ovulation, its not AF, but I also have some stomach nausea as well, so perhaps its just gas or something.
All I know is that I do not want to be sick for my Christmas break, and these symptoms are getting old. I am hoping a few good nights rest without having to wake up before dawn will help.

Back in the Saddle

Bebe News:
Well its officially CD9 and our FM has begun asking me for sticks. YAY! Back in the game!
According to FF, my next fertile window should be around Jan 1st-5th. Luckily, I am still off from school during that time, so we just have 2 schedules to coincide (B and KD) instead of 3.
I am excited about this next insemination. Now don't get me wrong, I was excited about the first one too, but I feel like we have some experience now.

Us News:
On December 24th, it will mark 7 years of being with the love of my life. We had met the month before, on my 21st birthday (through mutual friends...at the bar, of course!). I am so blessed to have spent the last 7 years and the next 70 with this amazing woman. Since our "anniversary" is on Christmas Eve, we often don't make that big of a deal about it. Our first anniversary was spent on an air mattress in my old bedroom at my parents' house with a door that didn't shut..not quite romantic. Anyway, B presented me with the most heartwarming and thoughtful gift last night. Have I mentioned how much I love her? Because I do. A lot.

School News:
One more day before break! For those of you that do not know, and I don't really know how you would, I am partnering with one of my professors (who happens to be a visiting scholar at Harvard..fancy shmancy!) to work on social awareness issues within my classroom. We have discussions about identity, justice, and moral dilemmas. I was so proud of one of my students yesterday. We were correcting our daily language review (which are sentences that have mistakes in them), and she asks "Why do they always use boy names and pronouns when they are talking about sports?" What a discussion we were able to have about assumptions that the "theys" of the world make! We decided that we need to look at our materials in school with a critical eye because we don't necessarily know who wrote them, or the beliefs those writers may have. This is perfect timing for this discovery, because we just started our unit on explorers, and Lord knows I can't stand teaching Columbus.

Think yourself pregnant for Christmas

This is a rhetorical question for this bunch, but have you ever just wished you could think yourself pregnant?
I am a really great thinker. I think about lots of things, in many different ways. Sometimes I can even trick myself into feeling pregnant or feeling like I am already a mom, even though I have no idea what either of those things feel like.
The brain is very tricky.
In other news, the holidays have snuck up on me this year. There is not too much hoopla going on at school, no Christmas concerts, or holiday sweaters (save the one my mom bought me that B hates when I wear it). There are 3 more school days left until break, and boy do I need this break. The snow day on Monday was a welcome relief.
Since B works retail, this is a crazy and hectic time for her. I hate how stressed she gets. I try to help as much as possible.
For Christmas this year we are celebrating on Saturday with friends (although not B, since she has to work), Sunday with my Aunt and family, Monday evening at my parents', Tuesday morning at my parents' and Tuesday afternoon/evening at B's mom's. It will be a crazy few days.
Then, as it has been for the past 3?4? years, our KD will come over on NYE. Only this year, he is bringing his gf/so. We are so excited that she's coming! Usually its just the 3 of us, but not this year! Yay for quiet nights with friends.

Dreaming

Have you ever had a dream, only to wake up and have it be true...sort of.
In my dream last night we were driving around looking for a pharmacy that had codeine.
I had such back pain that I knew all I needed was some good drugs. However, this is very unlike me in real life, because I do not take any medication that is not absolutely necessary.
Anyway, I woke up with terrible lower back pain. We're CD5 here ladies, no reason for back pain now. I popped 2 motrin and seem to be a little better. If only the nausea would go away!
If we were in the TWW I'd be thinking other thoughts, but damn my body for just hating me today.
We were hit pretty hard by the snow last night, and it continues to fall today. I am hoping and praying for a snow day tomorrow. I know that most of the streets will be clear, but since I teach in such a rural district, I am holding on to a thin thread of hope that those roads won't be cleared for our busses.

Some Pictures

We haven't been very good about posting the pics of our process as we go along, and hopefully we'll get better. For now, here are some images we've neglected to post of our journey to motherhood thus far:


J's first positive ovulation test. We were so excited to finally see that damn egg!!! (Note the CD is 24.)


Mexican and Margaritas! For our first BFN on December 12th.


J as a bebe. So cute!!!


Bebe B.

Nothing new

Nothing new to report on the TTC front. CD4 here, approximately 20 or so days until our second shot at insemination.
On the home front, it was nice to be able to sleep in until 7 this morning. I have started cleaning, but I get distracted easily and somehow ended up cleaning our hall coat closet. I have high hopes for the linen closet and spare room/future nursery as well. I don't know how much I will accomplish today while B is at work, but I will give it a shot.
I am getting tired though.
I also have to work on my National Board Certification entries and a TON of papers need to be corrected. Perhaps I will do those things tomorrow.
Tonite we are expecting 6-10 inches of snow. Perhaps the snow will be delayed and I will get a snow day out of the deal on Monday. That would be lovely.
The kids are already wild and a 4 day work week before Christmas Break sounds very appealing.

Mexican and Margaritas

Our dinner last night was super yummy...when we finally got home and were able to eat it.
We left the house at 5. We had a few errands to run:

• Bank
• Hall to book shower for sister's wedding shower (took forever here)
• Italian market for fixin's for dinner tonite (KD comes over every week or so for dinner and Jeopardy! Today we are having panini.)
• CVS for margarita mix and berry wine
• Then finally to pick up Mexican carry-out

We made it home just in time to catch Jeopardy! I took a picture of our spread, in hopes that it may be our last. Although we already decided that if Try#2 doesn't work out, we will do M&M AND get our hairs did. It's only fair right?

I am taking the advice from one of you commenters about not temping while AF is here. Gives my body and mind a little rest on this long 3-weeks-before-fertile-wait. If my past cycles are any indication, our next fertile opportunity will fall around Dec. 31st.

Erf

Looks like it's a "Mexican and Margaritas" dinner tonight!

I didn't realize how much I would be effected by a negative test/AF arrival. All along I knew how unlikely it was that we'd get pregnant the first go-around, but I'm still pretty bummed out that it didn't happen. It's probably because one of our friends in another online community found out she was pregnant 8 DPO (and she insemed around the same time we did). I am SO happy for her and her family, but at the same time I feel the slightest pang of jealousy. I wish we could have been in that unlikely group that gets pregnant on the first try. Hopefully the next time will be a success for us.

Onto try #2.

CD1...any second now

I had some spotting yesterday.
Big temperature dip this morning.
Spotting this morning.
I am hoping to count this as CD1, so I hope that uterine lining starts shedding soon!
I am actually quite ok with this, surprisingly. I am excited to try again, and I hated that TWW.
I much prefer POAS daily. Who-da thought?
Anyway, we have big plans for our next insemination. We are hoping to get the timing down better than this cycle and make the insemination(s) more like an experience.
Well boots are on and I'm ready for round 2!
(I just wish I didn't have such long cycles...22 days seems like a long time away before we can even try!)

12DPO

No positive, no blood.
I wish either of those would change so we could just move on.
I am sick of this limbo land.
I thought for sure my temp would drop this morning, because I fully expected to start my period today. Instead, it has risen.
I guess there is still a chance I could start today, but I usually get a temp drop.
My luteal phase has usually been 12-13 days. FF originally put my ovulation on CD23 based on my temps, but I manually changed it to CD24 based on my OPK and monitor. So I am either 12DPO or 13 DPO, yet all 5 tests clearly have said negative, so AF is inevitable.

Can we go by math rules and multiply?

Well of course the test was negative yesterday evening. Just what I wanted (sort of).
We tested again this morning. Still negative. This is where I would like to just multiply the test results and get a positive..it works in math, why can't it work here too!?!
I'm 10DPO. AF usually arrives 12/13DPO. I feel very PMS-y.
Its not over til its over though.
At least we have Mexican and Margaritas to look forward to when she does arrive.

Emotions

I'm ridiculously emotional today.
I went to see some of my students perform the Nutcracker Ballet and there was this tiny tiny ballerina. When she started dancing, I started crying.
Then on the way home from that, a song came on the radio and I got all teary.
I feel like this is typical PMS stuff, but still trying to remain positive.
We are supposed to do our first test tomorrow, but I am going to convince B to do one tonight.
This may sound like a stupid reason, but its the truth: I want to see a negative. Ok, let me explain. Today is too early to test, therefore there is no real hope for a positive. Tomorrow is still early, but there is still hope. Oh, I am rambling now and probably don't make any sense, but it makes sense in my head. There is no pressure for an early test. A negative could still be a positive, but a negative test done on time is like standing on the gallows. Or so I imagine.
Do I make sense to anyone but myself?

Copied from my LJ

I wrote this in my LJ, but I thought it would be just as relevant over here. Basically, Mike Huckabee is an ass. Here's why:

First read on the DailyKos (which is turning out to be my new favorite blog), Mike Huckabee replied in an interview for GQ that gay marriage would end the world as we know it. And he'd feel fine, apparently.

Let's take a look at the question and his initial response:

(GQ) Is the strategy shifting because social conservatives are losing on those core issues? Ten years ago, it would have been unimaginable to have gay marriage even in liberal Massachusetts. Now it’s there.

(MH) I don’t think the issue’s about being against gay marriage. It’s about being for traditional marriage and articulating the reason that’s important. You have to have a basic family structure. There’s never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived. So there is a sense in which, you know, it’s one thing to say if people want to live a different way, that’s their business. But when you want to redefine what family means or what marriage means, then that’s an issue that should require some serious and significant debate in the public square. And if you look at states that have had it on the ballot—I know in our state it was a 70-percent-against issue. Most states are similar to that.

Ok, what? I won't list all the different ways "marriage" has been rewritten over the past umpteen centuries; DailyKos does a good job of that. But I'm pretty sure this next quote seals the deal in my feeling that Mike Huckabee is truly and undoubtedly a complete ass:

(GQ) I just wonder what you’d say to the gay couple who says, “Well, we want to live this way, and my partner can’t come visit me in a nursing home.”

(MH) He can with a power of attorney. That’s the fallacy, that this requires some new definition of marriage. It’s simply not the case.

First, I love how he automatically assumes the gay couple in question is male. That is just irritating on its own.

I would love to take Mike into the real world and show him that a power of attorney does NOT guarantee anything to a gay person if they're partner is deceased. How is it fair that a couple who has been together for a significant period of time has to jump through unbelievable amounts of legal hoops and court systems to protect themselves (not to mention the amount of money it takes to do that) when Britney Spears can have all 1100 legal protections handed to her in a fly-by-night Vegas marriage?

People like Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney scare me, because they are the fear mongers that perpetuate stereotypes and ignorance in the American people and make it harder for people like me and Julie and all of our friends to be accepted in society.

It's erfing ridiculous.

My friend A responded over in my lj with a link to this, a fantabulous opinion in the NY Times about just how much "marriage" has evolved over the past few centuries. It's truly fascinating to think that today, with all of the information floating around out there, that there are still ignorant people like Mike Hickabee who still see the world as flat.

Hopefully by the time our potential children are old enough to understand they won't have as tough a battle to fight as we do.

8DPO

Its hard not be hopeful when 6 out of 9 charts in the "Find a chart like yours" section on FF are all pregnant.
I want to stay positive, but I just don't want to be too hopeful. I am sure most of you can relate.

Its been...one week.

Today marks one week from our first insemination.
I think our first week of our first ever TWW has gone pretty well. I stay real busy during the day and do not have much time to obsess over anything.
I think about a possible pregnancy about 50+ times a day...well maybe more like 500+ times a day, but I am definitely not obsessing.
I do miss, however, POAS every day. I never thought I would miss the constant testing, but I loved getting new information everyday. Now all I can log in FF is my BBT.
I haven't "felt" anything, and those things that I do feel, I have to ignore. B thinks that everything I do is a sign of pregnancy. "Your boobs are tender?...You must be pregnant!" or "You have been really sleepy lately....You must be pregnant!" I'm surprised she hasn't pulled the "You're breathing..pregnant people breathe! You must be pregnant!" Its getting just a little out of control, but I do love her excitement.
Meanwhile, I just want to get through this TWW so we can start planning for our next insem. There are so many things we want to try/do. I feel like we won't be the NKOTB anymore.

Because it's my day off and I've crossed the threshold into obsession

In an effort to kill some time, I've been doing a lot of reading at this computer this morning. My eyes are starting to water and my butt is getting sore from sitting in the same spot for so long (how do you people with desk jobs do it?!). But I found a slew of awesome, mainstream, political, LGBT parenting blogs this morning including gems like:

Mombian
Lesbian Dad
The Family Equality Council Blog
Queercents

I've found an enormous amount of valuable information, including a spot on Mombian instructing straights how to behave when encountering a couple of lesbian parents (my favorite line? "Lesbian. Say the word." ha!)

But it was this post on Lesbian Dad that had me absolutely rolling in my seat with laughter. I'm sure many of you have read it and know which post I'm talking about already. But for those of you who don't and haven't, I present to you : The Turkey Baster Has No Clothes. (J - be ready to hold your cheeks and say "woooooooo"!)

Scary Sperm Donor Stories

I just read online that yet another sperm donor is going to be potentially forced to pay child support for the child he helped to create. This is on the heels of a similar story out of Britain, where yet another man is being told to fork over significant amounts of cash to the lesbian parents of a child he helped bring into the world.

Edit: Dana Rudolph over at Mombian offers her insight on this topic over here.

I don't get it! I really don't. These women are giving lesbians who use a KD a bad name - the worst name. I want to believe that our KD knows us well enough to know that we would never, ever in a million years even consider going after him for child support. But I'm sure the men in these stories thought that about their "friends" too. And yet here they are, years later, taking the poor guys to court. It makes me sick to my stomach.

It is a giant leap of faith for these men to agree to be a donor. It's a giant leap of faith for everyone involved to have a KD. I can't wrap my brain around the kind of evil it takes for these women to backstab their donors like that. What angers me the most is that they'll say they're doing it "for the good of the children." What the hell kind of example are you trying to set for your kid, ladies?!

Thank God we have a notorized contract, but damn Michigan and their lack of second-parent adoption laws!

In other news, the first TWW is in full swing and we are just about to wrap up week one. We've both been very busy with work and spending time with friends, so thankfully it has gone by pretty fast. We determined that we'll probably do our first HPT on Sunday, since it'll be 10 DPO. We'll splurge on one of the "First Response" HPTs and then buy a bunch of dollar tree sticks as backups. I've heard that the dollar store ones are actually as effective as the fancy schmancy ones, so we'll see. I've yet to go to peeonastick.com to actually research which are the cheapest and most effective HPTs. Perhaps tomorrow.

I have been obsessed with watching J for signs of baby, though. For every odd thing that comes up, the first thing I think is "OMG, she's pregnant!" For example, yesterday at dinner she told me that she smelled beef during lunch the other day and actually wanted to eat it. With HP sauce. See?! OMG SHE'S PREGNANT. Or not. But she could be! Every five minutes I ask her if she feels different, if her boobs hurt, if she feels life growing from within. But no. Nothing yet.

And still we wait.
[sigh]

Dreams and Stuff

I have had my share of pregnancy dreams and baby dreams, even when not going through the TTC process. They are always positive and nothing too dramatic.

Last night, I had my first dream of a positive pregnancy test.

It was the first day of school, or perhaps the first day of a new trimester, and I cannot remember what grade I was teaching. I think it was supposed to be 7th, but the kids looked small. I was definitely in an elementary classroom with an old fashioned black board, as opposed to my nice white board that I currently use. I remember the chalk dust. For some reason, they had to do some sort of POAS test for everyone. (In a location that reminded me of my parents basement). They did two tests. One in a cartridge and one flimsy strip. One came back as a possibility, and the other as a definite. I excused myself and started crying.

Then my BBT alarm went off and I knocked the thermometer on the floor. =(

Every morning, I chart my BBT and for the past couple of mornings I have been asking FF to find "charts like mine." Today I just looked at pre-O temps and post-O temps. The first 4 charts were all pregnant. The last 6 were not. Really, it does me no good to do the search, but I enjoy looking.

Pregnant until proven otherwise

This entry may be a little rambly because its 4:55 am and I have been up for an hour. I'm hungry, congested and I should be getting ready for work.

Even though there is only a 20% chance or so that we could be pregnant, (and a complete miracle if we are, based on our rookie mistakes), we are still "pretending" as if we are.
Because don't you really have to "pretend" you are, even when going through this TTC journey anyway? So why not?

We decided to borrow the idea of going out for Mexican and Margaritas when AF arrives. Although I don't want AF to arrive, its nice to know there is still something positive if she does.

Yesterday I felt for sure she was on her way. If I wasn't charting and didn't know that her visit is not planned for another 6 days, I would have worn something to be prepared for her start.

Baby fever has really hit B. Hard. Core. She has been reading up on things for us to do next time. This first one came up so fast that it truly was like a practice. Now we are all set and ready for try#2 which hopefully will not be needed.

The week ahead

This is my feeble attempt to stay busy during our first ever TWW...
Monday-tutoring after school (2 different children and 2 different times), finish paper that is due on Tuesday
Tuesday-Staff meeting after school, Union meeting after staff meeting, pick up taste test dinner from hall for sister's shower
Wednesday-tutoring after school (possibly 2 children, but most likely 1)
Thursday-Perhaps staying after school for homework club, otherwise, nada.
Friday-Parent meeting after school, then nothing planned for evening
Saturday-Watch students in Nutcracker play, perhaps shopping with my sister
Sunday-Advent Tea at my mom's church

We didn't do it.

We didn't do insem#2 for this cycle.
Timing just wasn't right, so next month we will get it right.
No worries.
Instead, we spent the evening full of food, fun, and friends.

Should we even do insem#2?

I am feeling really discouraged about our timeing for our first cycle.
I am almost positive that insemination #2 will be too late. We were planning on inseminating this afternoon, but at 3 days post O. . .I even think our first insem was too late. Sad pants. What do you ladies think? And what about my huge temperature drop. What does that mean?
Any help/advice would be appreciated!