Blood arrived on Friday.
Today B and I (as well as my mom and sister) have the joy of attending a baby shower in honor of one of my sister's childhood friends (who she no longer really talks to).
The shower is being held in the bar where she works. Right.
She's unwed, 4 years younger than me, a recovering alcoholic, an admitted drunk driver, has done time in prison and had a tether.
I know I'm not supposed to judge, but I totally am.
Why does she get a nice healthy baby (albeit with a bit of a white trash name...I've never had a "good" student with this name) and I don't.
I'm jealous.
I hate feeling jealous, especially of her.
But I'll go the baby shower.
I just hope it is non-smoking and there is food I can eat.
I just re-read this and I sound horrible. Now I'm feeling guilty. My sister's "friend" is a nice girl, and hilarious. We have had some pretty fun times in the past...I'm just seeing green right now.
Oh and FF is being a jerk-face. I thought it was my computer, so I did a virus check and ended up finding 6 instances of viruses or adware. That didn't help. Every time I open FF, other programs/websites freeze up. I can't enter anything.
In other news, I did our taxes this weekend and I am very thankful for tax returns. I have no problem giving the government an interest free loan throughout the year, as long as I get a big payment in February!
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, April 25, 2008
Medicine and a Movie
I started my Me.tformin yesterday. I am such a baby when it comes to swallowing pills. I just can't. When I went to urgent care for my scarlet fever a few years ago, the doc gave me a huge antibiotic pill. I knew I couldn't swallow it (Heck, I even chewed my Klo.nopin when I was little, and those were teeny tiny pills), but desperation set in. I was feeling horrible, and I knew the giant white pill would help, so I did it. And because I got so nervous about choking, I squeezed the Styrofoam cup and spilled water all over the floor, but not before hitting myself in the head and squeezing my eyes shut. It was definitely a sight to see, and if I would have had the energy, I would have given B the look of disdain over her laughing. Anyway, the Met.formin are not huge pills, but big for me. But I did it ladies. I swallowed the 500mg little disc. 3 times so far. And I think I can do it again, and again. Whatever it takes to create a nice little environment for a baby to grow.
My pill swallowing phobia was portrayed quite well in Tina Fey's new movie, Baby Mama, which B and I saw this evening. Quite fun, funny, and predictable, just how I like my movies. I'd recommend it to a friend, especially one going through the whole TTC process.
My pill swallowing phobia was portrayed quite well in Tina Fey's new movie, Baby Mama, which B and I saw this evening. Quite fun, funny, and predictable, just how I like my movies. I'd recommend it to a friend, especially one going through the whole TTC process.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I'm preparing for rain.
We've been doing a lot of soul-searching for the past month or so.
I don't know if we have ever written this story down and B is clearly the better story teller, but I will do my best to document our little trial of finding a church.
B and I were both raised Catholic. I attended Catholic school until 2nd grade, but she went all 12 years. My mom would attend church occasionally, but my dad only set foot in one for our baptisms. He even left during my confirmation mass to "go check the chicken" for my party.
My parents had these Baptist friends that would take us (my sister and I) to their weekly kid's program (AWANA-which I think is a national program that is still around today). Anyway, through the Baptist Wednesday night program, Catholic mass, catechism and youth group, as well as a plethora of vacation bible schools, I was immersed in Christianity....and I loved it.
(On a side note, I used to pray to God every night, over and over "Please do not let me be a lesbian..." before I truly even knew what a lesbian was.)
Anyway, when I finally came out to myself (and others) I figured it was either be true to myself or be a Christian. I stopped going to my Campus Crusade for Christ meetings and grew apart from my Christian friends, both of which I loved. I didn't, however, quite stop attending services.
When B and I got together I would ask her to go to church with me. It was always no. I remember one Easter season she said yes. I was so excited. Right before we were about to leave, she changed her mind. I was devastated. I wanted this woman who I was beginning to love to share the love of Christ with me. She just wasn't ready.
Fast forward 3-4 years.
After living in our house for a few months, I decided to go check out The Big Church down the street. TBC was nothing I was used to. It was "non-denominational" (although originally it was founded under the Baptist doctrine) and very contemporary. The worship songs that were sung there were fun and uplifting. In fact, the entire service felt that way.
Something happened within B and she was ready to give TBC a chance. Once I got her in those doors, she was hooked, perhaps even more than I was! We attended for almost a year. I became a Sunday School teacher and youth volunteer. B was looking into some Bible Study groups. Nothing was ever said about us being gay, but no one seemed to notice. We decided to sit down with the pastor to find out the church's position.
That didn't go so well. He basically said he has never had to deal with the "gay" situation before. He said we would be welcome in the church, but we would have to hide our lifestyle or become celibate.
We prayed a lot about that meeting and decided that we did not believe that God was asking us to become celibate and live as friends. We left TBC and never went back.
Its been a year or two since we left TBC and we haven't been to any others (save one Christmas Eve mass at a random church down the street). Well last Sunday we were invited to witness one of B's coworkers pass on his youth minister job to the next guy. We went. It was nice. Throughout the week I even started listening a little more to the Christian music I used to love so much.
Today, we went to a different church. A Unity church. A gay-affirming church. A church formerly led by Marianne Williamson (ironically enough, I went once when I was younger when she was there). The message today was to believe in yourself. To prepare yourself for what God has in store for you. Prepare for God's abundant blessings. I kept relating the message back to our TTC process. I am taking on a new attitude and I am going to need some help to keep up this positive outlook.
When we returned from our errands after church, we put in the movie Facing the Giants that we had rented last night. What an amazing and uplifting movie. Nothing tugs at my heartstrings more than Jesus and infertility (and a good underdog football team).
I have decided that I am going to start preparing for rain with this baby-makin. I'm ready when You are!
I took an OPK after the movie-perhaps hoping for a miracle sign from the Big Guy. CD33. What are the chances that I would get an allllllllllllllmost positive OPK?
Everything happens for a reason. I'm just waiting for the rain.
I don't know if we have ever written this story down and B is clearly the better story teller, but I will do my best to document our little trial of finding a church.
B and I were both raised Catholic. I attended Catholic school until 2nd grade, but she went all 12 years. My mom would attend church occasionally, but my dad only set foot in one for our baptisms. He even left during my confirmation mass to "go check the chicken" for my party.
My parents had these Baptist friends that would take us (my sister and I) to their weekly kid's program (AWANA-which I think is a national program that is still around today). Anyway, through the Baptist Wednesday night program, Catholic mass, catechism and youth group, as well as a plethora of vacation bible schools, I was immersed in Christianity....and I loved it.
(On a side note, I used to pray to God every night, over and over "Please do not let me be a lesbian..." before I truly even knew what a lesbian was.)
Anyway, when I finally came out to myself (and others) I figured it was either be true to myself or be a Christian. I stopped going to my Campus Crusade for Christ meetings and grew apart from my Christian friends, both of which I loved. I didn't, however, quite stop attending services.
When B and I got together I would ask her to go to church with me. It was always no. I remember one Easter season she said yes. I was so excited. Right before we were about to leave, she changed her mind. I was devastated. I wanted this woman who I was beginning to love to share the love of Christ with me. She just wasn't ready.
Fast forward 3-4 years.
After living in our house for a few months, I decided to go check out The Big Church down the street. TBC was nothing I was used to. It was "non-denominational" (although originally it was founded under the Baptist doctrine) and very contemporary. The worship songs that were sung there were fun and uplifting. In fact, the entire service felt that way.
Something happened within B and she was ready to give TBC a chance. Once I got her in those doors, she was hooked, perhaps even more than I was! We attended for almost a year. I became a Sunday School teacher and youth volunteer. B was looking into some Bible Study groups. Nothing was ever said about us being gay, but no one seemed to notice. We decided to sit down with the pastor to find out the church's position.
That didn't go so well. He basically said he has never had to deal with the "gay" situation before. He said we would be welcome in the church, but we would have to hide our lifestyle or become celibate.
We prayed a lot about that meeting and decided that we did not believe that God was asking us to become celibate and live as friends. We left TBC and never went back.
Its been a year or two since we left TBC and we haven't been to any others (save one Christmas Eve mass at a random church down the street). Well last Sunday we were invited to witness one of B's coworkers pass on his youth minister job to the next guy. We went. It was nice. Throughout the week I even started listening a little more to the Christian music I used to love so much.
Today, we went to a different church. A Unity church. A gay-affirming church. A church formerly led by Marianne Williamson (ironically enough, I went once when I was younger when she was there). The message today was to believe in yourself. To prepare yourself for what God has in store for you. Prepare for God's abundant blessings. I kept relating the message back to our TTC process. I am taking on a new attitude and I am going to need some help to keep up this positive outlook.
When we returned from our errands after church, we put in the movie Facing the Giants that we had rented last night. What an amazing and uplifting movie. Nothing tugs at my heartstrings more than Jesus and infertility (and a good underdog football team).
I have decided that I am going to start preparing for rain with this baby-makin. I'm ready when You are!
I took an OPK after the movie-perhaps hoping for a miracle sign from the Big Guy. CD33. What are the chances that I would get an allllllllllllllmost positive OPK?
Everything happens for a reason. I'm just waiting for the rain.
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