Plowing Along

Second week of school (first full week with kids), and I'm a bit exhausted. I am usually pretty great, right through lunch, but when my afternoon classes start, I find myself sitting on my stool instead of standing and walking around during my lessons. I am very grateful to only have two preps, so my schedule is pretty easy.
My pants, however, not having such a great time. We pulled out the maternity box this weekend and I put a pair of jeans on for a birthday party we attended. So. much. more. comfortable. We only found one bella band, so I am going to rock that baby this week and hopefully hit up a thrift store for some other choices. My maternity clothes from Sprout (some of which still have tags on) are spring-ish. Capris and short sleeve shirts. Now the short sleeve shirts I will be able to use, but not the capris-at least not right now. Perhaps in the Spring. I'm looking forward to clothes that fit. With the bloating and the grapefruit sized uterus, I look pregnant to me. I'm pretty sure I just look fat to everyone else.
This week is a hectic week for B at her store. She has a world famous author coming in for a visit on Thursday and all of her time is set aside to prepare. She will be relieved when Friday rolls around.
Next week I have my first official ob appointment and u/s. Do you guys think it will be a pants on u/s or a pants off u/s?

Emotional

To say I have been emotional this past week would be an understatement. Let's take yesterday for example.

• My first tearing up happened on the way to school when I started to think of my high school friend that lost her twins last week at 22 weeks. They were born with heartbeats, but not breathing and died right after birth. Their memorial service is tomorrow. I am so sad for her and her family. These miracle boys were conceived via IVF. She's one of us, y'all. She had something called cervical funnelling which caused her to be put on bed rest, and then she she got an infection. Not good. She lives "up-north" but they drove her via ambulance to the hospital down the street from my house (where I will deliver). I never saw her when she was in town (and haven't seen her since HS), but I feel so connected to her. I have been emailing her and I sent a package earlier this week. When we lost Sprout, the ladies from Two Hot Mamas sent us a beautiful care package that included a small Willow Tree angel. It was such an amazing and thoughtful gesture. I wanted to find the same angel they sent us, but had no luck. Instead, I found two little ones called "Two Together" and thought it was perfect. I also got her an Angel of Remembrance.
• My second tearing-up, which became more of a cry, was when I posted a video on Fb. It was a video of a Father and Groom surprising the Bride with a version of L'Chaim. It was sweet and funny, but here I was, sitting at the computer, crying.
• Then, I was watching TV with B and an Oprah commercial came on. For those of you that do not watch TV or perhaps live under a rock, this is Oprah's last season. I love Oprah. We were able to go see a taping of her show 5 years ago. My dream has always been to be a guest on Oprah. Now I know my time is up and I won't get to. The commercials make me sad to see her go.
• I really wanted to watch the Stand Up To Cancer telethon that was on last night. Within the first minute, I was balling like a baby. They had all of the celebrities there who have survived cancer, and they had on these survivor shirts. Once I composed myself, they brought on the 46 moms. All of their children have cancer, so they all shaved their own heads. It was an amazing scene. Cue the water works. And then B was saying things just to make me cry because she thought I looked funny. Then I was crying and laughing at the same time, but in a weird way. I was a disaster.

So that was just one day. It's been a crazy emotional week here. Luckily, my "Pregnancy Week 8" newsletter said it's completely normal and may even begin to subside this week. Thank God.

Grateful

I am so grateful for this pregnancy.
I am grateful for having to get up in the middle of the night to pee.
I am grateful for a bathroom upstairs (we didn't have this in our old house!)
I am grateful for bbs so sore I could not sleep on my stomach last night.
I am grateful for restless nights where I saw 1, 3:00, 3:30, 4:30...
I am grateful for a great online community of friends who are so supportive.
I am grateful for my irl friends that have to work very hard to keep this all a secret and yet still stay excited for me.
I am grateful I am not back to work full time so I have the luxury of taking a nap when I need it.
I am grateful for a wonderful partner that takes care of me like no other and understands when I just need to nap. (She has taken up so much of my slack in the past couple of weeks-oh, and our lawn looks amazing, thanks to her!)
I am grateful for our dog, Gracie, who doesn't seem to want to leave my side. When I'm laying on the futon, she's with me. When I come in the office, she lays on the floor. She's my protector dog. (Jake, on the other hand, is still as annoying as h-e-double-hockey sticks)
I am grateful for a strong beta which will result in a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
I am so grateful for this pregnancy.

7dpo

• Tired (but it being a busy week at school, I think I would be tired anyway...however I did have a spell of ineedtosleeprightnowandimeanRIGHTnow last night before bed when I was watching one of my favorite shows)
• This morning I started with the OMGitssohotgettheseclothesoffofmerightnow, only to be followed with I'mfreezingwhereismyrobe.
• Backache for the past 3 days
• Very hungry yesterday (couldn't get satiated), but kind of queasy this morning
• Found out one set of our lesbian acquaintances is pregnant (via facebook). The last time we saw them was at pride last year (when I was pregnant). One of them told us they were going to start trying soon. Bittersweet news.
• Found out (via facebook) another friend from high school is going through fertility treatments to get pregnant. I am guessing IVF because she did almost a month worth of shots (that sounds right, doesn't it?) My heart ached a bit for her this morning. She will find out next week if it worked.
• Pregnant friend at work is eating saltines all the time to combat her morning sickness. Poor girl.
• Pregnant acquaintance at work has her baby shower on May 1st. (This is the woman who delivered her baby way early last year and she didn't survive) I don't really want to go to the shower, and hopefully I have moving as an excuse, but I feel terribly guilty. I truly want the best for her baby and their family, but I just don't think I'm there yet. Y'all understand, right?

Kitty Deluxe

One of our friends from church has her own little boutique in the city near our home. It is in a tiny little pink house that used to be a florist. They sell handmade jewelry, hats, scarves, books, stationary, and anything a little girl could ever want (including American Girl sized accessories). She often has birthday parties there for little girls and they love it.
Every Monday she does a give-away on her blog.
Check it out!
The online store is here.
Her etsy shop is here (although not much is listed here).
She will ship, or if you want me to be your personal shopper, I can do that too. =) Cat is a wonderful gal and will hand make anything for you. For my birthday, B told her the colors and theme of our nursery. She made me a beautiful necklace that I refer to as my "Sprout necklace." I love it.
Oh, and one last thing about Cat. Her husband, Curt, is one of the stars of an independent film made completely in Michigan called Annabelle and Bear. It looks like it is going to be an awesome film. We missed the preview this weekend because we didn't get our tickets in time and they sold out. Curt is not an actor, nor ever has been, but he fit the part perfectly and had a blast shooting the movie. Their daughter, Willow, even became an honorary member of the crew. How cool!

Rite Aid Game of Life

B and I have been slightly addicted to the Rite Aid Game of Life that is wrapping up at the end of this month. It is a lot like the Monopoly game that McDonald's started many years ago. If you are playing along at home as well, take a look at what we have and perhaps we can combine to win!

$250,000 Mortgage
1-
2-filled in
3-filled in
4-filled in
5-filled in
6-

$25,000 Mega-kitchen makeover
12-
13-filled in
14-
15-
16-filled in

$1,000 Cash Game
25-filled in
26-
27-filled in
28-

G37 Convertible
7-filled in
8-
9-filled in
10-filled in
11-

$50 Cash Game
41-filled in
42-
43-filled in

$50 Gift Card
44-filled in
45-filled in
46-

$10,000 Room Makeover
17-filled in
18-
19-
20-

Wii Game System
29-
30-filled in
31-filled in
32-filled in

$5000 Cash Game
21-filled in
22-
23-
24-filled in

$250 Gift Card
33-filled in
34-filled in
35-
36-

$100 Gift Card
37-filled in
38-filled in
39-
40-filled in

$20 Cash Game
47-
48-filled in
49-filled in

$20 Gift Card
50-filled in
51-filled in
52-

We currently have 10 entries in the cruise sweepstakes.

CD3 and a baby shower

Blood arrived on Friday.
Today B and I (as well as my mom and sister) have the joy of attending a baby shower in honor of one of my sister's childhood friends (who she no longer really talks to).
The shower is being held in the bar where she works. Right.
She's unwed, 4 years younger than me, a recovering alcoholic, an admitted drunk driver, has done time in prison and had a tether.
I know I'm not supposed to judge, but I totally am.
Why does she get a nice healthy baby (albeit with a bit of a white trash name...I've never had a "good" student with this name) and I don't.
I'm jealous.
I hate feeling jealous, especially of her.
But I'll go the baby shower.
I just hope it is non-smoking and there is food I can eat.


I just re-read this and I sound horrible. Now I'm feeling guilty. My sister's "friend" is a nice girl, and hilarious. We have had some pretty fun times in the past...I'm just seeing green right now.


Oh and FF is being a jerk-face. I thought it was my computer, so I did a virus check and ended up finding 6 instances of viruses or adware. That didn't help. Every time I open FF, other programs/websites freeze up. I can't enter anything.


In other news, I did our taxes this weekend and I am very thankful for tax returns. I have no problem giving the government an interest free loan throughout the year, as long as I get a big payment in February!

Surprised again.

Today is CD10 and I had my first HIGH on the monitor. I have been so concerned and consumed with the Met.for.min side effects that I didn't notice the impending ovulation!

My temps have been wonky because I'm on vacation and not taking them at the same time consistently and the temps in our house have differed greatly each night as well. I have to find the right balance of blankets and furnace heat. (I've now put plastic on some of the windows downstairs and am considering covering some of the windows upstairs...our house is old and poorly insulated.)

If the CBEFM is correct and my body cooperates, I will typically have 6 days of HIGH before the first PEAK. Sometimes I ovulate the night before the PEAK, sometimes I ovulate the day of the first PEAK and sometimes I ovulate on the day of the second PEAK. I will be saving my sticks and OPKs again this month to see the surge. (This worked quite well last month, with a textbook case of ovulation-go me!)

I emailed NKD this morning to check his availability. I am worried with the holiday, he may be out of town. I know his kids start back to school on the 4th though and he usually has them on Mondays, so at the least, I can squeeze a couple in. Hopefully though, we can do one on the 2nd, 4th, and 5th. We will see.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. We will be attending a burning bowl service at our church (which I blogged about last year.) Sadly, our former KD will not be able to share NYE with us, as has been our tradition for the past 5 years, because he lives in Boston now and is already back home. Luckily I was able to spend an afternoon with him while he was here for a short holiday visit.

We are having a small group of people from church come over to ring in the new year with us. Our minister is coming too and will be doing a midnight meditation. How cool are we? We have 2 full time ministers at our church of over 2000, one being Rev. Ric. Ric is openly gay and an all around great person. We are so privileged to call him our friend and are happy to be spending the last moments of 2009 and the first moments of 2010 with him. It's going to be a blue moon and a partial eclipse. What a special NYE!

*edited to add* NKD is available! God love him!

Gobble Gobble!

I hope everyone is enjoying their day of Thanks (if you celebrate it)
Today, both B and I are home sick, so we will not be partaking in the festivities at my sister's house.
Mom is bringing leftovers later. Mmmm.
I am thankful today for wonderful family and friends, both in real life and not, chosen and given.
I am truly blessed.
I am also thankful for the wonderful 15 weeks we were able to spend with our Little Sprout.
In two weeks it would have been our EDD. With the holidays and the EDD around the corner, I'm a wee bit emotional.
I get great strength from my family and friends.
I love you guys.

Holiday Cards

I got an email advertisement a few weeks ago which earned me 100 free photo prints. I took the opportunity to print up some fun holiday pics of B and I. I received them in the mail today.
They did not come out as good as I wanted, but they are cheesily terrific.
I have ONE HUNDRED of them. We have no where near 100 friends. What was I thinking?
I never told B about my plan, so she is going to be surprised. Perhaps I'll send them out every year until they are gone..lol.
Anyone want a holiday card from our household?? Email me your address. =)

pairofmoms {a} gmail . com

In other news..I feel like crap-ola today. I don't think I am even going to make it to Thanksgiving dinner. I made stuffing and mashed potatoes for lunch today. If I can't make it to Thanksgiving, I will make it myself. This is my favorite food holiday of the year. Plus mashed potatoes and stuffing (and pudding for dessert) are wonderful comfort foods and are easy to swallow.

We Interrupt This Broadcast for a Very Important Message:

Miss J received this message today:

::doing the happy dance::

Congratulations!
You are a National Board Certified Teacher^®! Your performance met the standard for National Board Certification^® set by the board of directors of the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards^® (NBPTS^®).

To achieve National Board Certification, a candidate must earn a total weighted scaled score that equals or exceeds 275. Your total weighted scaled score, exercise scores and weighted exercise scores are shown in your score profile. You can access information that describes the criteria used to score your responses from the "scoring guide" link at the left.

The NBPTS Board of Directors and staff extend its best wishes for your continued success.

Pur.e Ro.mance

Bread is in the oven (two different kinds) and dips are made. I didn't really want to make/bake anything sweet, so store-bought cookies will have to do.

Tonight we are having our first ever Pu.re Rom.ance party. You know, one of those parties.

I've never been to one of those parties, let alone hosted one.

This should be interesting.

B calls me a prude. I wouldn't go that far.

By looking at my chart and doing some googling about a 4DPO temp dip, I still have no idea where I am at in my cycle. If I go with my best guess, I am 9DPO. Who really knows though?

Any advice would be appreciated...

Today is a Special Day

Nine years ago today, I met the love of my life.

Thirty years ago today, she was born.

I love you, JB. Always and forever. Happy birthday!

Surprise!

On Friday night we were supposed to have our Team Meeting for our Church Sunday School Teaching Team. It was scheduled for 7:30 at the restaurant where we normally meet. Around 6:30 I get a call from my sister telling me that my brother-in-law is in urgent care, and we need to go let their dog out. I bought it hook, line, and sinker. We rushed over to my sister's house, punched in the garage code, and met the dog at the door. As soon as I turned the corner into the kitchen...SURPRISE! So many of my friends were there to wish me a happy birthday. It was truly a surprise and I was so happy. I felt like a princess for the entire party! There was food and presents and games and laughter. Lots of laughter. I couldn't have asked for a better party. I even got a Snuggie! My lovely wife, my mom, my sister, and my friends planned this wonderful surprise, and I am so grateful.
This was the best birthday a girl could ask for. Tomorrow (November 9th) is my official birthday and I will joyfully enter my 3rd decade.
(Oh, and we did a safety net insem today as well...just in case!)

Happy Birthday B!

Today, the love of my life turns 29, for the first time.
I am such a lucky woman to have her in my life.
I am truly blessed.
My life is full with her in it.
Thank you God for sharing B with me.
Happy Birthday Honey, I love you more than words.
YAMGFAYAB
xoxoxo

Bird

A little bird has been trying to come into our house today. S/he has tried 3 different windows, 4 different times. Most recently, s/he tried the bathroom window while I was in there.
This is one determined little bird.

I found this on a wiki site:

Birds have long been a symbol of the soul. They represent the soul, flying free of the earth-bound body and seeking the heavens. The birds represent a passage between the physical world and spiritual worlds. Birds in flight can also represent freedom.

What do you think is the symbolism of this little bird?

Pampered

Yesterday B had the marvelous idea for us to go get 90 minute facials at the local Aveda Institute.
It was wonderfully glorious. The facial included a foot bath, scrub, and massage as well as a scalp and hand massage. (I couldn't have the arm massage because I am all bruised up from all of the IV's).
The student working on me was great and I was even able to talk about the miscarriage without breaking down.
I know that my hormone levels are dropping and that, along with time, has helped with my weepiness. In fact, I didn't cry once yesterday and I even wore real clothes all day, my contacts, and did my hair.
Baby steps. Both literally and figuratively.
B, however, didn't have a quite as confident student working on her, so she missed out on the scalp massage and was worried about me the whole time. (The questionairre they have you fill out asks about pregnancy and recent medical history). She was able to relax a little, but was still paranoid that I was not ok. She's still upstairs sleeping, so I hope she slept as great as I did last night.
Today=beta and possibly a trip to the store for plastic tubs. (We want to store the few maternity items we bought and the pregnancy related things that were all over our house.)

Friends and Family

I have some friends (both online and IRL) and some family that could use all of the love and positive energy you could muster. If you are the praying type, please keep them in your prayers that they can find peace and acceptance in their current situations.

Back to School

It's back to school for me today. Although I am eager to get back to teaching (only 40 days left and so much for my kids to learn!), I am not excited about waking up at 4am anymore.
The morning usually goes something like this.

• 4am: Alarm goes off. B hits snooze.
• 4:15: Alarm goes off. B hits snooze again.
• 4:30: Alarm goes off. I get out of bed, B either hits snooze again or I reset it for her.
• 4:30-5:00 I play around on the computer, check email, etc.
• 5:00-5:15 Shower/dressed.
• 5:15-5:30 Breakfast/pack lunch
• 5:30-5:45 Blow dry hair/put on socks and shoes
• 5:45-5:50 Kiss goodbye/gather school materials
• Leave between 5:45-6:00 and arrive at school anywhere between 6:45-7:15 (depending on traffic)
• Kids arrive at 7:35.

I am thinking about giving up my internet time in the morning, to allow for more sleep. I already go to bed super early as it is (most evenings by 9), so going to bed even earlier is not really an option. I wish I didn't spend over 2 hours in the car everyday.

This may have been the most boring entry ever posted on this blog. Oh well...its time to shower.

CD4 - Mom in the hospital

I got a call yesterday during my planning hour from B.
"Are you alone in your room."
"No" (I had a co-worker waiting to speak with me)
"Well I have some bad news about your mom"
Not the type of call you want to get at work, or anytime for that matter. Apparently, my sister had called B at work sobbing to tell her that my dad was taking my mom to the ER. She had a podiatrist appointment earlier in the morning (my mom is diabetic and has 3 toes removed-not all from the same foot). He told her that she has gangrene and her toe and possibly up to her knee had to be removed. Scary.
So I conjured up a sub (who was actually subbing for our grade level parapro), threw together some lesson plans, and ran out the door to the hospital.
Surprisingly, I arrived at the hospital just a few minutes after my sister and at the same time as my brother-in-law. We met up in the parking lot. We basically spent the entire day in the ER room. I don't know if any of you have every been around gangrene, but the stench is horrible. It looks horrible. Her entire toe is black. Other parts of her foot are oozing. Very, very, gross.
My dad finally left around 3:30. The rest of us left when they took her down for an arterial doppler and x-rays, which was around 5pm. I used that time to run home, let the dogs out, eat some dinner, and get B. We were back at the hospital by 6:30 and she was still in the ER room. The nurse said she had a bed assignment, but couldn't move her to the floor without the ER doctor's orders, so they were waiting on him. The foot surgeon said it doesn't look good for the toe, but didn't say too much about having to go higher than that. The surgical team is also going to try IV antibiotics first and see if it helps the infection. B and I left aroun 7:45 for home. It was one long day.

I still haven't completely rebounded from this BFN and the stress of this isn't helping, but it is keeping my mind occupied. I have to remind myself that I am blessed and everything happens for a reason.